To Have Loved [BxB] Book I ✓

Chapter 38

"She's not going to win either way," Henry said as he set down a card, two away from winning. 

"It's the principle of the thing," James argued. 

"Fuck principles, we're playing Uno. It's not that deep," Milo said. 

It was only a few more minutes before Henry won, setting down the last card as he grinned. "I should really get into gambling, I could make some money."

"Considering you're already rich, I don't think you need to gamble," Milo said, setting his cards down and shuffling the deck. 

"Fair enough," Henry said, wrapping a rubber band around the deck. 

"I think I'm gonna head out to the skate park for a bit. You coming, Mo?" El asked, getting up. 

"Yeah, let's go," He said, pulling his coat on. 

"You could come too if you want," She offered to Luke, but he shook his head with a smile. 

"See ya, guys," Luke said and he received a small wave from El on her way out. 

"I heard a bit ago there's a game of Seven Minutes in Heaven happening downstairs if you guys wanna hop in," James suggested. 

"I might just stay here," Henry shrugged. 

"Yeah, I'm kind of done with the noise," Luke said.

"Alright, see you in a bit, then," He said as he disappeared out of the room. 

Henry glanced at Luke, still sitting on the floor. "Y'know, the roof is sounding pretty quiet and unused right about now," He said.

Luke gave him a small grin. "Fuck yeah, let's do it," He said, getting up to head upstairs and into Henry's room where he climbed out the window.

They used to do this pretty often, but it'd been a little while. The back roof was nice because it was away from the noise of the party and there was a clear view of the night sky. When Henry was younger, his parents had gotten him a telescope for his birthday one year and he used to bring it out onto the roof to search for his favorite planets and constellations. Now it was packed away in the back of his closet and was hardly used. He could still pick out the brightest stars and name them off the top of his head, but he'd lost some of that passion. He didn't know what had changed between his younger self and his older self. He didn't feel like he was growing and expanding, he felt like he was getting emptier, losing little parts of himself as the years passed him by. He remembered how he used to want to be an astronaut, though back then he also equally wanted to be a pirate and figured maybe he could be a space pirate, but with age, those dreams gradually died away into nostalgic recollections of childhood fantasies, it's just that they never got replaced with new dreams. Every year, Henry felt like he understood himself and what he wanted less than the year before. When people asked him what he wanted to do as a career, he wasn't ever sure how to answer. Sometimes, he'd smile and say he wanted to be a space pirate, and then he'd laugh along. 

"I think I'm starting to hate parties," Luke said after a long moment of silence. He was staring down at the crowd around the covered pool jumping around, throwing beer on each other, puking in the first available trash can.  "I've been to so many at this point, they all look the same, and nothing ever happens."

"Well, what would you rather do?" Henry asked, laying down next to Luke, his hands folded behind his head as he stared up at the stars.  

"This," Luke said, glancing at him. "I don't know what happened to us, we used to be best friends, but now we hardly talk anymore."

Henry shrugged. "People grow apart, isn't that all that happened? We stopped sleeping together, you transferred here, and you made new friends." 

"But that's not even it. You got distant and I never knew why and I tried to stay friends with you but...but I always felt like you pushed me away or something so I stopped trying."

There was a moment where Henry looked at him, hesitating. He thought about just telling Luke, though something about the thought of that made his gut twist. For so long, he'd contented himself with the possibility that Luke could like him back, but pushing him away and never finding out whether he was right or not always seemed better than being rejected.

 "I didn't mean to push you away."

"Then why did you?"

 "...Because I was falling in love with you," Henry said, his voice just above a whisper. Then, he waited for the sting, but it was just quiet. 

"You...what?"

Henry looked over, not sure how to feel about the shocked expression on Luke's face. "Yeah, I have been for a while, but you said you were into Elias so I kind of backed off. Eventually, I just got fed up and couldn't stomach the thought that I was a replacement when I wanted to be more," He said, taking in a slow breath. "And the thing is, it isn't even really about that. I don't give a shit about him, I don't care about being second best to someone I hardly know, and I wouldn't care if it were anyone else, but you." 

Luke looked at him, his expression unreadable. "Henry, I was over him for like a year before you stopped talking to me. I realized I wasn't into him, I didn't like how standoffish he was about his feelings and I wasn't in the mood to play games. I actually realized that I'd rather be with you, but I was worried to tell you because we were doing the whole 'no strings attached' thing and I thought it might ruin that so I just kinda...kept things as they were." He shrugged. 

Upon hearing this, Henry looked at him in blank confusion, then sat up and groaned as he rubbed his face with his hands. "Fuck me, we're such idiots." 

Luke broke into quiet laughter, not being able to help it. Shortly after, Henry let out a breathy chuckle. He looked up from his hands when he felt the weight of Luke's head on his shoulder. And like that, a year of pining glances across the room and radio silence was fixed in a single conversation. It was funny how that worked. 

"So what now?" Henry asked. 

"Now you kiss me," Luke said as if it was obvious. 

The blond couldn't help but grin as he pulled Luke closer, one hand holding his jaw as the other kept himself stable on the roof. Halfway through the kiss though, he realized something and pulled away. 

"Shit, I forgot, there's actually something you should probably know-" Henry said, running his fingers through his hair. "So, I've kind of been sleeping with Kayden for the last few months."

"Oh," Luke said, seeming to think about how he wanted to respond. "Is it like...serious?"

"No, we're just friends. Still, I thought you should know if this is going anywhere," Henry said.

Luke thought for another moment. "Alright, so how about we just kind of hold off on going all in and being a couple or whatever until you end things with him," He suggested. 

 "Done. I'll call Kayden tomorrow and tell him," Henry said decidedly. "But for now..." He said, his hand moving back to touch Luke's hand, a small smile on his face. "I have really missed kissing you."

Luke couldn't help but smile, a pink tint spreading over his face. "Well, that's good because I've been dying to kiss you again for months." 

When they'd kissed for the first time two years ago, it'd been rough and fast as they grabbed and clawed and pulled each other closer, but now, it was slow, warm, done with the comfort and purpose of knowing they weren't running out of time. This time, every move was done with intention. There was a new meaning to the softness of Luke's hands as they touched Henry's face. And he also thought he was beginning to like that word, meaning.