I'm Not Him (Maddy Perez/You)

On a Date

"Alexa is a pathological liar. She made me believe that she cared about me, that she loved me. That was a rare feeling for me. I come from the hood, majority of us don't even know what the fuck love is. We don't experience that shit with our parents so it tends to fuck us up for future relationships. I just don't know what happened or what it was but the moment I seen Alexa, I immediately fell in love with her. We did everything together. I used to love her so much we did sales together. I used to bring her to my block, I introduced her to my boys. She was basically my lil gangsta."

"But that meant nothing to her. Her job was to kill me and she almost succeeded. I still remember the feeling when I seen that red bandana hanging out her pocket. That cold look in her eye. She played the shit out of me. But I'll never let that shit happen again." I finish.

Rue knows this story already. She was actually the first person I confided in. Despite her own problems, she's a terrific cousin and helped me through a very dark time.

Maddy looks to be deep in thought. I know I've said I liked Maddy for like the last two years or summers, however you wanna put it. The first year I was still with Alexa so I never acted on anything nor did I ever plan to. At first I just thought she was pretty, hell she still is. I also liked her attitude.

I didn't care that her attitude wasn't the best. It's what attracted me towards her. Well that but I was also in love with Alexa. Maddy and Alexa look so much alike it's crazy. But no, I don't like Maddy just because she looks like Alexa. If anything that would give me a reason not to like her.

Something about her is captivating. It wasn't until a few months ago that I realized the way I first felt about Lex is what I currently feel towards Maddy. Love. I'm in love with Maddy Perez.

But for many reasons I'm scared. It could just be another set up all over again. Or I could just get my feelings played with because she won't let Nate go. Either way, I don't want that to happen which is why I refuse to get so close to her.

Now Cassie, well she's Cassie. I don't have to worry about any of those problems. She doesn't have what it takes to be in a gang and set someone up, unlike Alexa. She had no problem letting go of McKay and moving on, unlike Maddy with Nate.

To put it simply, I'd rather go the easy route.

Cassie looks sympathetic as she climbs into my lap. "I'm sorry you had to go through that." She whispers into my chest.

Yeah, so am I. Alexa fucked up my ability to trust someone for the rest of my life.

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Maddy's P.O.V

I sat in Cassie's room along with her, Kat, and Lexi. Y/N had dropped us off about thirty minutes ago. She was stuck on my mind.

It now makes sense why she keeps pushing me away. Nate isn't her biggest problem. That's a cover up. The way she pointed her gun at Nate when he was choking me tells me that she doesn't give a fuck about him.

She's just afraid that I'm gonna be Alexa 2.0. But why isn't she afraid with Cassie? Actually never mind, that's self-explanatory.

It's not the gang related part. I'm not even in a damn gang nor do I think I could handle the shit they go through. It's the lying and deceiving part.

She believes I'll just play with her feelings for my own amusement. That's not what I wanna do. I've experienced a feeling with Y/N that I never felt with Nate.

But this is also different for me. Nate is all I've ever known. There was a few other dudes along the way but those were just hookups.

I don't want Y/N to be a hookup. I don't want to keep this shitty so called 'relationship' that I have with Nate. I want Y/N. She's not him. She's different.