Learning To Breathe

Futile Reconciliations

Chapter Three

He still looked the same, my boy. Thinking of his old nickname brought back so many memories to the surface. But he wasn’t a boy anymore. He was a man. He was right before my very eyes.

Kaelan was the man I remembered seeing walking out of the registration office. His brownish-black uncombed hair begged for me to run my fingers through them like I used to. His light brown eyes begged for me to see the love that once used to shine in them. His hands, the ones I used to fit my tiny ones into, now sat intertwined in front of him. His high cheekbones, the ones I always stroked when he was upset, were still held a faint tinge of pink from the cold.

Kaelan seemed as though he were the same as he always was.

“How are you?” he asked softly. The concerned and soft tone of his voice irritated me to no end. After three years? He decided to ask me how I was after THREE years? The nerve of him.

Nonetheless, my mind told me to be polite, giving me the energy to reply with a courteous okay. I turned away from him, wanting to pack my books and leave. To talk to someone and let it all out. Or better yet, to just get away from reality.

I gathered my books from off my desk, hastily packing them into my bag. When all of my things were safely tucked away, I turned to Kaelan. Not knowing what to say. Not knowing what to do.

But Kaelan beat me to the punch. “I-I just wanted…to -”

For obvious reasons, Kaelan’s stuttering voice fueled my anger even more. There was only so much emotion I could withhold. I glared at him. He flinched back from my expression.

“To what, Kaelan? What exactly is it that you want?” My voice was low, calm, venom coating every word.

Kaelan seemed taken aback by my sudden question. He was quiet for a second or so, until I heard him mumble something. I caught something along the lines of, “…to talk…”

I scoffed. There was no way he wanted to talk after all this time. No way would I let him talk to me after all this time. Not after what I went through for the past three years. I roughly pushed my chair back from my desk and stood to leave.

“It was nice seeing you again, Kaelan.” My heart clenched in my chest as I spoke such a lie, my voice colder than ice. I walked around the desk and headed to the door.

“Miah.” My name falling from Kaelan’s made my knees shake. As much as I wanted to hate him right now, I couldn’t help but still have a bit of love for him. My step faltered before stopping completely. The silent acknowledgement of my name being called seemed to give Kaelan a bit of confidence. His voice was unwavering with his next question.

“Where are you headed now?”

My breathing hitched. But I remembered who I was talking to. Kaelan Evans. The man who left me without a single explanation. No letter, no call, no sign that he was still alive. I went three years wondering where he was and how he was.

Now Kaelan’s here.

At my college.

In my class.

Perfectly fine.

I turned towards Kaelan. “I’m going to meet my fiancé,” I said in an acidic tone. My left hand was holding my schoolbag atop my shoulder. The engagement ring sat perfectly on my ring finger, the diamonds glistening under the ceiling lights.

* * * * * * * * * *

The streets flew by in a blur as I looked out the window of Kaelan’s car. My mind was reeling with chaotic thoughts. How would I act when I met Rian? What would I say to Kaelan once we got to the café to meet Rian? What would I do about Kaelan in general?