The girl from the beach

The girl on the beach

I had not seen her for a long time, I almost forgot her and here I find her standing on the seashore as she always did. I was 10 years old and I lived in a village on the sea I had just quarreled with my parents and out of anger I ran away I took my bike and went far from home after a few kilometers bike ride I stopped and decided to go to the beach, it was empty there was no one, I thought it was one of those beaches that nobody ever went there so I sat on the sand, the sand was wet and the sky was turning gray, and there I saw it, it was a blonde girl not very tall and of my age, she was wearing a long white dress with a straw hat, stood on the shore staring at the horizon, I started to hear drops and I thought it was going to start raining so I looked up at the sky and it was getting really cloudy, I looked back at the girl who had turned towards me and with a wave of her hand she greeted me and ran towards me, I met her and we became friends, After a few hours it started raining and I went to get my bike to go home when she told me that when I was sad I could come back to her, after that I came home soaking wet, and my parents told me to take a shower immediately, while I was doing it I thought about the little girl. The next day I tried to go back to the place where I met the little girl and I met her again we spent time together and she told me that she was on vacation here to visit her grandparents so sooner or later she would return to her home away from here, I felt sad but I accepted it: after days of having fun with her one day she kissed me on the cheek and then said goodbye. There she understood that this was her last day off and that she would leave the next day. I came home sad but I accepted it and went back to my usual life.One day I happened to see her again, happily greeted her, as usual she was sitting on the beach looking at the sea, I went to her and she greeted me in turn only that she seemed sad, she told me that she had come here for the funeral of one of her grandparents, I tried to cheer her up but it didn't work so I tried to hug her and she squeezed me hard, she felt like a thick heart at that moment, it was pleasant. After that day she felt a little happier, we spent a lot of time together and I started to feel something, the day before he stood to go confessed and there I had a mix of emotions that I felt for the first time in my life and I did not know how to react so I rushed home and threw myself on the bed to sleep. The next day I got up I took the bike and went back to the usual place hoping it was there but there was only his straw hat and then I picked it up and went home crying. The next day I went back to that place, I took a stick and I tied the hat to the stick tight enough not to make it go away and I impaled it in the sand as if it were some sort of altar, I went there every day and I spent time talking to the hat as if she were there, Years passed, I came of age, I got a job, and slowly I was beginning to forget her face, the only memory I had of her was her hat, her golden hair, and her white dress, but her face was gone, and I asked myself, why I was still tied to her, to a person whose face I don't even remember, I tried to go to a therapist and some psychologists but ended up back on that beach, one of them told me that I suffered from Thanatos. I realized that I had never bathed in that sea, so I took my hat with me and I undressed, I put myself in the water and I stretched out, and I let go, I didn't really want to swim, when I saw her, I hadn't seen her for a long time and she was admiring the sea as she always did, she really liked death