Cold hearted (KyojuroxReader)

Chapter 32:Our promise.

"I'm sorry to say, but there hasn't been enough said, because I haven't yet apologized for what I've done." I slumped in my position. I've been wanting to say something ever since I made her cry, and at least that thought can stop biting at me once and for all- as long as this goes well, albeit.

"I let my frustration blind me from the rationalities that should've been very, VERY clear. I pushed you past your limits when you'd already reached them during our mission and I hurt you. As I've already said, it was never my intention to make you cry." I sunk my hands into my hair as I let my heart take its lead, the words I've been holding up their rightful show, making (y,n) go softer in the face while I went ahead.

"I wanted to help, I was worried before all this between us even started."

"Why?"

"Because it only takes seeing you cry once to get my focus." I admitted. Even if it was in real time or not, those tear from her at the end of our journey have clung onto me relentlessly. Getting them out of my head has been impossible. Hearing her frantic cries and voice broke me apart when I couldn't promise to her that I'd be fine, it felt as if I was giving a thumbs up for the guilt to consume her. I felt regret of my own... I wanted to redeem myself.

"I thought I could make things better, and in doing so, I only worsened the problem. So, I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize for it, Kyojuro." (y,n) said in a whisper that left me confused. I think her of all people would want some type of sorry after what I did... but, she is a very complex character to crack, there's a lot of things I still don't understand about her.

"You did nothing wrong... it was my fault for letting my emotions take control." ... She thinks this is all her fault? Forget about being complex, it's hopeless to try understanding her. What more has to happen to realize I'm not in the right?

"That only happened because I didn't stop myself from going too far. You might've had a hand to play in all this, but that doesn't mean mine are any cleaner than yours. Point is, every apology I can give is necessary." I made my position clear to my comrade and put the full attention of my eyes onto her. Just now noticed it, she's shivering. (y,n), who sleeps in the numbing cold; shivering like me.

Things have gotten this bad, huh?

(y,n) retreated farther into her (f,c)-patterned haori and looked back at me, deep into my gaze. "What makes you think that? You could've given a quick apology and already gone home for the night." ... Here come the harder truths. I'm sure she already knows my thoughts, considering how often she pushes me away, but it takes me saying it to really be understood.

-Otherwise, I might not even come to terms with it.

"I could've..." I started, "But unless I clarify to you exactly why I'm saying sorry for every little thing, I'd surely lose what little trust I've gained from you. I've worked too hard to relinquish that progress." I seemed to get more of the woman's focus onto me after I gave into the truth, her interest peaked. I really do have to say sorry for even the most minor of inconveniences. I might not have much, or any of her trust, but being negligent with it isn't the way to go.

I bring up the topic of her trust knowing full well that I'll be leading the conversation into so many questions that I have yet to be asked, and I already guess that (y,n) has a lot of those on her mind. About me, about her, about us. An umbrella shadowing all of this talk is about our standing between each other, it could go as far back as when we first met over a year ago.

"...Why've you always tried so hard to get me to trust you, when I've told you to give up and go away?"

"I wanted to give you someone you could trust, a friend to turn to when in need. It bothered me- you've always looked so miserable. I didn't even know you don't confide in yourself either, I can't imagine what I would've done if I'd known that." I progressed whole-heartedly, massaging my shoulder through the pain as I shifted some of my weight onto my arm.