afterglow ‣ s.jy

017

"Jake." Her voice didn't sound the same anymore. It didn't have the same effect as it used to, it just sounded. . . ordinary. "You came." She shifted seats, from the one near the piano to the near-end of the stage, where she got a closer view of her childhood friend.

"I'm sorry."

"I understand." She paused for a while before speaking again. "You were with Siyeon, weren't you?"

Jake nods. "Yeah."

Hyejin pats the spot next to her, an invitation for him to sit next to her as they finally engaged in a conversation they should've had the moment he started to feel something about Siyeon. With slight hesitation, he obliges to her invitation, jumping on the stage to sit right beside her all while maintaining a distance between them which could be no more than two feet.

"Do you like her?" She asked without sparing the effort to look at him, allowing her gaze to remain on her feet that swayed back and forth.

"I do." Jake admits of his growing affection for Siyeon. "I really did love you, Hyejin, and I have always waited for us. I just never thought that the time where I'd get tired of it, would eventually come."

"Maybe it's also because your love for me only formed because it was conventional, because you told your head it had to be me and I was the perfect fit of the woman you thought you would want to spend your life with." Hyejin looked at him this time, and now it was his turn to shift his gaze to somewhere else that wasn't her. "A love that you learned will always be defeated by a love that formed out of nowhere, the type that even you never expected to materialize."

"How about you? Did you also think it was conventional to love me?" Were both of them under the pretense they loved each other when in truth, they just forced themselves to, because it seemed like the right thing to do?

Finally, she smiled only in an upsetting manner that showed it only formed out of the intentions of assurance that she was alright. ". . . It's better you don't know." The long pause before the sentence somehow gave away that despite the low voice and limited answer she delivered, her head spoke otherwise. "So I guess this is it. This is where we break free from the expectations of us."

It broke his heart to see Hyejin, who rarely showed sadness, fight away her emotions all while struggling to keep a relaxed face which was betrayed by her hands that were profusely shaking. He wanted to grab onto it like he usually did, calm her and remind her everything was alright, and yet he couldn't find the heart to do so as he was afraid of confusing her, afraid of making everything worse. This was a conversation he never imagined to share with her, and if the roles had been reversed, he could only imagine the variety of emotions that would overwhelm his mind into insanity.

What was once a bright sun was now a cloudy day, filled with darkness that could barely allow the rays to seep through. A pair of people filled with love now were forced into a position where they'd have to confess the truth about the lies they have indulged themselves throughout the years they spent together. Thinking of their situation as a whole made him ponder if everything about the two of them had been real. Were they truly happy back then when everything was mapped out for them?

"I'm sorry, Hyejin." Jake repeats. "I can't find any words to tell you other than that. I'm sorry that I never managed to play the part given to me. I-I was so sure--"

"You were never mine to lose, Jake. You don't have to be sorry for loving another person." Her hand reached out to his, placing it on top as she gave it a slight squeeze. "Stop apologizing, you don't have to say sorry for anything."

Forcing a smile, Jake looked at her in nostalgia, his youth playing in her eyes as it replayed a memory where they both promised to spend their life together, married or not. Even after this, all that's ever going to change was the imaginations of a future he came up with that all included Hyejin as a lover. At the end, they will remain as they have always been: best friends, only this time that realization didn't agonize him as it used to.

And even so, the lingering guilt remain despite the quick awareness of the nature of their relationship for at some point in their life, they were each other's only none of them fought to push it to reality, therefore only remaining in the heart until one decided to find comfort in someone else.

Hence the end to a story that began years ago and the beginning to another.

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SIYEON

The door to the hospital room burst open, revealing her distressed older brother followed by two familiar individuals who she struggled to avoid only to find herself back in their presence under the courtesy of the sibling she always thought she could trust. And yet it was an outcome she should've expected as the stunt she pulled earlier was basically another way of saying that she was asking to be scolded, to be told words that would scar itself in her memories.

Traitor, she thought as she gazed over to Haeseong who guiltily stared at his sister then back to their parents where one had his hands on his waist while staring furiously at the girl, while the other was obviously worried with residues of anger dawdling over the sides of her sharp facial feature. It was a sight she found herself accustomed to, even memorizing the lines that were to come out of their mouths. A part of her regretted kicking Jake out as they would never attempt to pull a stunt like what they were about to in the presence of a person with the same background like him. Yet her regret was comforted by the fact that he was in the place where he's supposed to be, and not in a hospital accompanying the likes of her.

"Are you out of your mind, Siyeon?! When will you ever learn?!" Her father began to start by immediately raising his voice, almost advancing to her if not for the arm Haeseong extended to stop him. "Stop coddling her, Haeseong. She will never understand her responsibilities if she continue her rebellious act."

Rebellious act. The only act of living she has been doing lately.

"My tests were done anyway, I was free to leave so I left. What was so wrong about that?" Siyeon argued back, resulting to an even more furious face from her father. "I've gotten dozens of fevers as a child and I recovered without your help. So really, what makes now so different?"

"Your heart, Siyeon!"

Always about the heart, because without a healthy heart, she was worth nothing.

"Stop it, Hangyeol. You promised you wouldn't hurt her." Her mother was quick to get in between them, blocking his field of sight so that he wouldn't get a glimpse of Siyeon whose eyes were brimming with tears as her fist tightened around the white blanket.

Always like this.

Always the struggle to find love.

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AUTHOR'S NOTE :

so. . . . . i'm paying for no one's therapy, thank you

spoiler : hyejin