friends with benefit [ Charles Leclerc's one shot ]

friends with benefits

I never thought I'd have to keep a secret as big as what I had to keep long ago. A secret that pierced my chest but at the same time gave me pleasure. It made me feel in a golden cage, with tasty but always the same food and a sweet scent, pleasant but strong for the nostrils. Unfortunately, however, it was a secret that I had to keep, at that time. An unrequited love but still existing. To this day, I know an answer, at the time I didn't understand anything. I lived it day by day until I reached the limit...

***

Charles Leclerc and I didn't know what to call what we had. We weren't together, but what we did wasn't friends. We laughed about it declaring it as friends with benefits but I did not like it, because we were not friends, I did not feel among us a friendship but an complicity that did not reach the levels of a relationship but was still strong enough to make us a thing. The world thought we had a hidden relationship, and despite our denials, they still believed it. We laughed about it. Even the drivers believed it.

«Think that Pierre believes that we keep our relationship hidden because they might think that you were with me at the time with Charlotte.» We laughed about it but I was really afraid that the world would think of me as a bitch who ended up being the mistress of the pilot. But it wasn't like that. Charles and I met a long time after he broke up with Charlotte, and before we decided what to do, it was just as long. We had established "rules" including:

1. There should not be kisses. They were too much intimate, and blocked the simplicity of the thing, making it too passionate;

2. If one of the two began to take an interest in someone, the relationship would, of course, be immediately interrupted because it could very well be a cheat;

3. No one had to know, apart from close friends;

4. The most important point: not to fall in love.

The fourth point was stressed several times by Charles, as his mind was focused on Formula 1 and he did not want distractions. We were each other's escape valve and nothing else. Initially it weighed me as a thing then I began to feel the need to vent and what we had was fine. Sometimes it happened that one of them didn't feel like it and then we ended up talking for hours. In those hours I felt like talking to a long-time friend and what we did became secondary. This thing went on for a year but things like this never work eternally, one of the two sooner or later always falls.

***

It's a hot August evening. Me, Charles, Pierre, Lando (with Luisa) and Carlos (with Isa) are at a beach party. Loud music, drinks one after the other, absolute fun. Who dances, who relaxes sitting down drinking a drink, who drinks and who dances drinking. Everyone enjoys the evening. Charles and I have deigned a little less than a chat and not because something happened between us but simply because we do not want to be too conspicuous but probably the cleavage of my dress that left all my back in the air, stopping right above my backside, he can't keep his eyes away. I keep hearing them burn against my naked skin, like he's throwing a laser at me. I'm trying to handle this as best I can. I have to ignore or risk collapsing and letting go and in front of so many people it would not be okay. I'm on the platter with Luisa and Isa, laughing and chatting as we move slightly to the beat of music. We're discussing holidays, their partnerships, and how well I'm with Charles.

«It destabilises me as you have not yet understood that there is nothing between me and him» I say drowning my frustrations in the Martini I hold in my hands. Isa bends her head while Luisa looks behind my back.

«Incredible how that look means "nothing"» Luisa mutters while I know what it refers to but I do not turn to indulge her, I raise my shoulders and look around. I don't know how to justify myself to them anymore. I look at my glass and I see it empty, so I turn myself just to meet Carlos and Lando who are going on the other side of mine, which is their girlfriends. I smile at them then I approach the counter to refuel. As I approach it, I encounter the look of Charles still resting on me. I feel something tangling in my stomach. He keeps his eyes glued to me as I move, without losing a comma and I feel that that look is worth a thousand words, I realize, however, that he had never looked at me so, or maybe I never noticed. Suddenly I feel much warmer as I lean against the counter, resting my elbows and leaning forward. Probably the alcohol in my body is starting to take effect, since I suddenly decided to provoke him. Pierre is at his side and talks with a girl but I didn't even deign to observe her. I smile at the bartender while he asks me what I want. I carry a finger against my lip to fake a thoughtful expression.