Lifeguard

Leftovers

Tw descriptions of drowning and suicidal thoughts, hopelessness, abuse

Regulus

I was sweating, I must've been. I was stressed. Where was I? I couldn't breathe. I tried. Water filled my lungs. No, I wasn't sweating, I was surrounded by water. I was drowning. I was choking. Gasping, trying to get a single breathe. The water was completely dark. I couldn't see anything. I tore at my shirt trying to get the tight feeling out. I didn't know which was was the surface. I was weak. My attempts at swimming got me nowhere. Cough. Choke. My body forcing me to breathe. Why wasn't I unconscious yet? Cough. Lungs burn, choking choking choking..

I couldn't tell when I woke up but I realized at some point that I was awake. I took several deep breathes, not completely sure that the air wasn't water.

It was like this every night. The same dream. Well, mostly. There was always something about drowning. There was sometimes some dark figure. Usually the drowning was a consequence of betraying the figure, if the dream wasn't just drowning.

They started about half a year ago. It was about a week after my mother gave up on my brother, aka his 18th birthday.

See, my family was rich. My parents owned the biggest clothing company in England. My brother, being the oldest, was supposed to inherit the company. But, my parents were abusive. They had high expectations and the worst punishments. My brother's name was Sirius Black. Sirius often protected me from my parents. Sometimes I wondered if he only lived with them so long to protect me.

I will never forget the day he left. He burst into my room at 3am, closing the room behind him, quickly but quietly. He knelt beside my bed, looking terrified. "Reggie."

I almost never seen him scared. "I told you not to call me reggie."

He kept glancing at my door, he took a deep breath and looked me in the eyes. "Regulus, you know how bad our parents are."

"Yes, of course. What have you done?" I sounded calm but my heart was pounding.

He laughed nervously. "Nothing."

"Are they after you?" I still attempted to look calm but readied myself to fight, even though I would likely not have the courage for fighting.

"They will be when they know what I'm planning."

"Don't, it's not worth it." I said sharply

He looked sad as he looked at me. "I'm sorry, regulus. You know I love you?"

Of course I did, but it wasn't something we really said. It was more implied with the things we did. He annoyed me, I insulted him. He protected me, I brought him dinner and broke him out. "Sirius, what is going on?"

He stared at me. "You want to leave, right?"

"Yes?" I said, suspicious. "But it's impossible."

He smiled his lopsided smile. "It's not."

"No, Sirius." I warned

"Come with me."

"No." I whispered in horror.

His nervous smile was back. "You know James."

"It's not worth it." I hissed.

"Getting out is worth everything." he quietly bit back.

"Only if it worked." I argued back

"It will," he opened my drawers and shoved some random clothes in a bag. "whatever you don't have we'll get"

"Are you insane?" I got up, not quite confident enough in his ability to be quiet to fight the bag from him.

"No, just desperate." He looked around my room as if I owned anything really worth bringing.

When Sirius Black decides on something, he doesn't back down. I realized there was only one way he'd get out. "Fine, go out my window."

"Why? They aren't up. Your window is louder."

He was right. The doors in the house were regularly oiled, the windows weren't. As long as the parents were asleep, it would be safer to go out the front door. But the window worked better with my plan. "Trust me."

"Fine." He went and got his bag from his room. He got back and opened my window.

"You go first."

"No, reg-"

I interrupted him. "I know how to close it better, go."

"Fine." He probably only agreed because we had no time to argue, I was stubborn too.

When he was at the bottom he looked up at me, who wasn't following.

"What's the hold up?" He said, having climbed up so I could hear him.

"I'm not coming."

"Reg, look, I'll carry your bag, it'll be easier to close the window."

"Easiest to close from the inside."

"Fine, out the front?"

"Sirius, go."

"I'm not leaving without you."

"I love you, please just listen for once in your life."

"I love you. How could I leave you?"

"Because that's the only way."

"no."

"Getting out is worth everything."

"Not without you."

I hugged him awkwardly through the window. "Bye Sirius."

I let go quickly. His dismay made him not catch what I was going to do. I shut the window. He put his hand on the window.

I put my hand over his on my side and smiled sadly.

I knew it was out of character of me. I decided that if this was the last time I would see him, at least for a while, I want him to know I loved him on his love language.

A loud knock only door made me turn away from the window. "Regulus! What is going on in there?!"

"Nothing, mother!"

She opened the door and saw my bag on the floor and that I was standing in front of the window.

After that it was hours of interagation, screaming, and other kinds of abuse, but all I could think was that I hoped Sirius was safe.