Lady Jones // Anthony Bridgerton

Black Dahlia

Lily felt Anthony distancing, after their night together. It was maddening because she wanted him more then ever. Back home, he would spend days working, coming to the house late. He would lock himself in his study, and most nights Lily would already fall asleep when he would come, only to find him in the bed in the morning. 
"He truly loves me!" Grace smiled, gushing about Lord Davies. "Look at this, Lily!" She giggled, handing Lily a note. 'Dearest, I miss you so much it is maddening.. I live in hope you share at least a tenth of my sentiments. If you do, I am the luckiest man alive. All my love, Robert'
"He insists I call him Robert." Grace proudly exclaimed, showing Lily the ring. "He.. he proposed?" Lily shook her head, putting down the card. She enjoyed seeing her best friend happy. Grace wrote her about the suitor. Lily did not assume he would propose so quickly. Grace smiled, nodding her head. 
"I am really happy for you." Lily nodded, hugging her. It pleased her to spend some time with Grace, simply drinking tea and walking around town, like they used to before she married. It made her forget her troubles, for a few hours and cut out the act she had to play in front of everyone. With Grace, she could simply be herself. She did not need to be a Viscountess, a wife, a role model, serious and careful... "I have.. I have sort of an idea. Perhaps.." Grace fixed her hat, before intertwining her arm around Lily's again. "I would like you to meet Robert." 
"I would love that!" Lily nodded. "I will have the Viscount invite him first thing tomorrow. You will be our guests for Saturday din-"
"Hey, is that not your husband?" Grace stopped her, pointing to the building across the street. Anthony was far enough not to see them, but Lily was certain it was him. He put on his hat, before climbing into the carriage that was waiting by the door. Lily nodded, focusing on the silhouette behind the window. It was her. Fiorella. He was visiting Fiorella. Lily felt her heart sink to her feet. Anthony was seeing her again. That is why he avoided her. He no longer needed Lily, once back in town. "Lily, I-" Grace shook her head, realizing she should of have stayed quiet. Lily had told her about Fiorella and everything that happened. "Lily, do not do anything stupid." 
"Grace, go home." Lily nodded, feeling a lump in her throat. She could not cry. She would not cry. "Lily, let's go together, my carriage-"
"Go home!" Lily shook her head, transferring her purse to the other hand. "Lily, let's-"
"Go. Home." She shook her head again, and Grace nodded, storming off. She knew there was no point in arguing with Lily. Not now.
Lily felt her heart race in her chest, as she crossed the short distance to the house. She was not sure what she was about to say, or do. But somehow her hand found the strength to knock, and before she knew it the door opened. "Anthony, I told-"
Fiorella stopped when she saw it was not who she expected. It was quite the opposite. "Would you people leave me alone?" Fiorella let out a frustrated sigh, rolling her eyes. Lily noticed she was wearing a robe and a nightgown underneath. She could not quite tell if her hair and make up were too neat for someone who had just slept with a man. "Give me ten minutes. Inside." Lily looked around, making sure nobody on the street saw her, before pushing her way inside the hallway. "Five." Fiorella nodded, before tilting her head towards the small saloon, as she walked towards it. "What? You want to know if your husband pays me? How much he pays me? If we slept together? If he talks about you? What?" She babbled, lighting a cigarette. Lily saw she was very tense and annoyed. It somewhat made her feel better. She was the one in control. Or at least it seemed that way. "No." Lily shook her head, refusing to sit down where Fiorella had pointed towards on the colorful diwan. "I want to offer you something." 
"Me?" Fiorella sneered, clapping her hands, before taking a long inhale. "What? A slap in the face?"
"A way out of this life." Lily shrugged. She took a long look around the friable room, pacing. "You are what.. Thirty?" Her emerald eyes squinted, as she scanned Fiorella's face. "We both know you can not stay in the opera for more than five, ten years best.." 
Fiorella stayed quiet, exhaling the smoke. "And?" She finally said, as she put out her cigarette. Lily shrugged, pacing back and forth. "You think Anthony will support you forever?" She cocked an eyebrow mockingly. She could tell it was working. Fiorella squirmed in her chair. "You are mocking me?" Her nostrils flared, as she got closer, so close Lily had to fight her urge not to take a step back. "Must I remind you you are the one married to a man that does not love you?"
Lily shook her head, smirking. She expected it. "We are no way the same, dear. I am a Viscountess. I will bare his children. He does not have to love me, I have authority of my own."
"Get out!" Fiorella pointed to the door. Lily found an unusual power in seeing her on verge of tears. She decided Fiorella would never know the pain she caused her. She knew she could not show vulnerability. She had to scare Fiorella away, not let her feed on Lily's insecurities. She nodded, walking to the door. "If you need money.." She opened her purse, intentionally taking her time. "Here." She took out a few silver coins, placing them onto a table by the door. "Get out!"
Lily did, and she slammed the door behind her, making sure to gracefully walk down the street, ignoring the wildly pounding heart inside her chest. She turned the first blind street, before she stopped, taking time to breathe. Her hands were shaking.  
*****
Anthony was agitated. Fiorella had told him Lily visited. Who gave her the right to go and spy on him like that, to go and visit Fiorella, to pry into his business like that.. And on top of all that, she never told him a word about the thing. For the last two days she acted like nothing had happened. She politely asked him to invite Lord Davies and Grace to dinner, which he did, she did not throw him out of the bedroom or ask him about it. That is what drove him mad. Was she really that uninterested? She cried about him being with another woman a few weeks ago! Was she so mad? Was she planning something? It drove him crazy. And he would not give her the pleasure of knowing that, never. If he had asked her a single thing, he knew she would take it as a proof that he cared. That he wanted to know how she felt, and he did, more than anything in the world. For the last week he had to lock himself in the study just to avoid seeing her in private. He knew, if he saw her letting down her curls, rolling down that damn stockings or simply laying there, inches away, he could not contain himself. He would kiss her. And then he would do more. And as much as he wanted to, he knew it was wrong. One night with her at Aubrey Hall was enough to know he could not simply lust for her and not feel more. And he could not allow himself to feel more. He could not love her. He promised himself he would not love her. That is why he went to see Fiorella. He hoped if he saw her, she would spark that passion, like she used to before he met Lily. He hoped he would have sex with her and forget all the silly doubts about whether this with Lily was love. But it all quickly fell apart, as he could not even kiss Fiorella without imagining it was someone else. He was so angry with himself, he could not even kiss her, let alone sleep with her. It would mean nothing. He would be imagining it was Lily anyway. He told Fiorella he would never come see her again, leaving her a substantial amount of money in hope she would not tell anyone about any of it. He had never visited her without being intimate. The last thing Anthony needed was for her to go around telling people he was imponent. 
Lily made sure the dinner she hosted was impeccable. Anthony and her were home alone, as the family stayed in Aubrey Hall for one more week, enjoying the country side. She had the maids prepare Grace's favorite food. It was the first time she was visiting her in her married home.
Lord Davies was a handsome man, with short black hair and icy blue eyes. Him and Grace looked like a beautiful couple. Lily could tell her best friend was over the moon excited, and she really loved seeing her so happy. It was all very bittersweet, because deep, deep down, although she would never admit it to herself, she was jealous of her best friend. Robert Davies adored Grace. It was obvious, even a blind man could see it. And it tore Lily's heart to pieces, because she knew she would never have a love like that. "And what would you say, Viscount, what is a secret to a happy marriage?" Lord Davies smiled, as the maid poured him whiskey. Anthony smiled, taking his glass. "A happy wife." He smirked, passing a look on Lily. She was nervous. She feared Grace had told Robert about the circumstances of their marriage, and Anthony would say something rude. "Then I shall rather ask the Viscountess." Young man smiled, turning to Lily. "Lord Davies, I believe the secret to a good marriage is simple. Be blind on one eye, and deaf on one ear."
Lily was just finishing showing Grace around the house, as the men chatted in the lobby, discussing politics. "So, what do you think of him?" Grace winked, as they started walking down the grand stairs. "He is a nice man.. I am sure he is gonna make a good husband." Lily nodded, patting her hand in hers. "When are you planning on getting married, in the spring?"
"No, silly." Grace shook her head eagerly, a devilish smirk on her thin lips. "We are getting married next Saturday."
"Grace!" Lily stopped in her tracks, crossing her arms. "How long have you known this man for?"
"Lily, please.." Grace scoffed, pursing her lips. She always did that when annoyed. "Does it really matter how long-"
"Go on." Lily cocked an eyebrow, shaking her head. "What, a month?" She added, trying to remember in which letter she first wrote about him. It could not have been more than a month ago. Grace wrote that he had come to the town to visit his great aunt, and she met him promenading with her family. She did not even know his family. "Three and a half weeks." Grace finally admitted, looking at the tips of her shoes. She hated when Lily was right. "You can not marry someone you met less than a month ago." Lily shook her head, trying to keep quiet so the men would not notice. "You do not even know his family. You do not know-"
"I know I love him." Grace proudly raised her chin, looking her best friend straight in the eye. "Grace, you can not be serious." Lily took a hold of her shoulder, whispering. "Love is not so simple. You can not know if you love someone in three weeks. Dammit, do you even know how many siblings he has? Where he lives?"
"And what would you know about love?" Grace shook her hand off, pointing a finger at Lily. "Last thing I remember, you obeyed you would not love the man you married!" 
The men turned around, noticing the clamor on the stairs. "Grace." Lily took a hold of her forearm, trying to calm her down. "Do not patronize me about love! You married someone who does not love you and never will!" Grace forcefully pushed her away, and Lily almost fell, grabbing onto the fence. "Grace, please listen to me." Lily rushed down, trying to catch up. "Why? So I end up visiting my husband's mistress in a few months?" Grace turned around, shaking her head like a mad woman. Lily's hand flew across her face, slapping her, and Grace forcefully retorted. "Enough!" Anthony rushed up, two stairs at time, before he grabbed Grace by forearm, pointing towards the door. "Lord Davies, take Lady Barley home, immediately!"
Younger man listened, mumbling an apology, before they stormed off.
"Are you alright?" He gently patted Lily's shoulder, noticing her cheek was still red. His hand instinctively went to her cheek, and his fingers caressed the tender skin. He was surprised when he felt a tear under his fingertips. Her eyes closed, and she rested her head onto his palm, sighing. "Everything she said is true." She whispered, backing away. Anthony hated seeing her like this. "Lily.."
"It is true. You still see that woman." She whispered, biting her lip to keep tears from spilling. "It is not only that you do not love me and never will.. You do not even respect me." 
"Lily.." He pleaded, grabbing her by the waist. "Is it not true?" She smacked his chest with a closed fist. "Say it is not true, I dare you!" Her little fists pounded his chest. Anthony felt his heart break, seeing how unhappy she is. He wanted to tell her he had nothing with Fiorella. He wanted to tell her Grace was wrong. But he could not. It would be unfair. He could not promise her love because he did not even know whether it was love. Whether it would ever be love. "It is true." Anthony felt almost metallic taste in his mouth as those words came out. He was biting the inside of his cheek to the point of bleeding. Lily nodded, before she ran up the stairs, and he knew it was because she would cry. Anthony punched the metal railing in frustration cursing when he noticed his knuckles bleed.
Anthony woke up with a smile, feeling Lily's body in his arms, as she let out soft snores, her nose dug into his chest. He had never slept with a woman like this, spending the entire night with her in his arms, and still feeling like he wanted more. Like he wanted to be closer. He had never watched someone sleep like this, wanting to kiss every inch of her body. Lily woke up something in him he did not believe he had. He tried to shake off that feeling. He did not want to feel so smitten. He promised himself he would not fall in love. He despised himself for what he was doing to her. He simply could not stay away from her, as much as it caused them both pain. A knock on the door startled him, and he quickly got up. He was still dressed in bloody shirt and pants. He had snuck in after Lily fell asleep and, not wanting to wake her up, laid down fully dressed. "My Lord.. This has just arrived. It is urgent." His lackey apologized, before rushing away. It was a letter, and the stamp was his uncle's. Has something happened? He ripped apart the envelope in hurry. 'It is with great sadness that we inform you that Lord James Bridgerton, died suddenly after an accident in his two-wheeler, at the age of eight and thirty. The funeral of our dear deceased will be on Monday, September 27th Windsor Cemetery.'
Anthony felt like the world fell onto his shoulders. The feelings he fought so hard to restrain, came flooding his mind like poison. Last of his father's siblings died. Thirty eight. Anthony felt the floor spin. The curse he was doomed to clenched his chest, so hard he could barely breathe. He foolishly hoped uncle James could live to see more, to break that dreadful fate upon his family. Anthony knew he would die young. It was inevitable. He knew he had no more then eight years left. But feeling the death so close, it made him feel helpless. All the memories of his father's passing came back, all those bad things that took him years to get out of his head. He remembered how cold and lifeless his hands were, and how unresponsive he was, no matter how long Anthony called his name sitting on that damn bed. Nothing was the same after that. There were still nights that he could not sleep thinking of how stupid, how trivial being as a bee could cause such a disastrous fate for an entire family.
He did know when or how, but Lily had woken up, and he felt her soft hands wrapping around his neck, as she crouched down next to him on the floor. He had not realized he was on his knees. She did not say a word, she just pulled his face to her chest, letting him breathe in the calming and well known scent. Peonies. He could hear her heart, it was beating in regular pattern, as her hand rested on his cheek. He sank further down, letting his head rest in her lap. Her fingers found empty spaces between his, intertwining. Her other hand gently pushed the hair out of his face. He did not cry. He did not show any emotion. Lily did not need him to. She knew. She knew anything that got him on his knees and so vulnerable was something he did not want to talk about.
He did not come home that night. Benedict and Colin brought him around three, in the worst possible state Lily had ever seen him. They did not say a word, just helped her get him to the bed. Lily did not need them to say anything. She knew where he was. Where he promised her he would not go. Fiorella's cheap perfume was too obnoxious for any proper lady to wear.