Frozen Out Of Time.

Brothers Forever

Lan Wangji, once he accepted the inevitable, sank deeper into every single aspect of the journey. He found, as he finally released himself, that it became absolutely the way it should be. His terror, which had remained hidden from the rest of the group of cultivators and immortals that were sending him the power to make this alignment of body, soul, mind, and core, simply fell...away... as he handed control over to the natural order of things. 

He no longer felt cold with fright. He no longer felt that deep sadness he was used to feeling and which enabled his heavy despair. It seemed as if his emotions were being reset, once the struggle to stay (despite the need to go), became complete. He was only aware of an all-encompassing peace like a soothing balm that coated his being. He felt himself lifting upward and away and all he could see behind his eyes was light, so shining and bright that he could no longer stay fettered and grounded, only uplifted, weightless, and free of all worry. It had been what he was seeking, a slender moment in time that took him totally away from everything, everyone, all responsibility, and the constant need to rescue every soul he had met in his brief, young life. It was pure and simple calm. And it was then that he heard a voice.

"My Little Lion. I am here."

"Mother?"

And suddenly he was in a garden, the glorious scent of flowers was assaulting his senses and he already felt euphoric before he opened his eyes and met a pair like his own. His lovely mother sat opposite him in a field of soft, green grass. Her face was no longer etched with stress and worry. It radiated peace and eternal acceptance of pure, maternal love.

"Yes, My Wangji."

"Oh, Mama. You left without saying goodbye."

" I let go because I had no strength left. Isolation, repudiation. rejection, it wears down the soul and mine could take no more."

"I know. It does become too much"

"You have always been good at your lessons, my sweet child." She smiled sadly. "No child should be that desperate, My Love. I cannot bear what you and my gentle XiChen are going through. I am sorry I left you so soon."

"Is it my turn for that, Mama? I would like to stay with you."

"Oh no. There is so much more for you to experience and accomplish. Things to overcome, things to rejoice in. You must always be true to yourself. Recognize the right path and follow it. And remember to take time to love yourself as much as you want to help others. For the latter cannot exist without the former."

She opened her arms and he crawled into her embrace, finding shelter within them once more. She smelled warm, good, and loving and that scent was more important than the heavenly garden they sat in. He recognized pure love in that instant and resolved to never stop searching for it during his life.

"Now, close your eyes and let me rock you back into that light, my son. Your brother is waiting for you." 

"I love you, Mama."

"And I love you, my Little Lion. Give my love to my Little Dove as well."

She began to hum and rock as the light gathered and surrounded him once again and in too little time, he found himself back in Cloud Recesses.

**********

His small body felt incredibly heavy as awareness of the ever-present heaviness of life surrounded him. It felt confining as he slowly regained consciousness and he wanted to be back with his mother. But that would have to wait. His body hurt with the feeling of being back. He had to summon the strength to simply open his eyes which he immediately closed again. Focusing was difficult and he could see little in that split second. He calmed himself and tried again.

 The first thing he could see was his brother. XiChen sat on a cushion by his bed, his weary head on a curved arm, asleep and as close to him as he could be, Wangji's sleeping tunic gripped tightly in his hand. His usually immaculate hair was a mess, and his face was drawn and white with fear and exhaustion. What had happened? He was disoriented and confused as he realized he was in the infirmary. Then the memory of him screaming, grabbing the burning memorial tablet, and running into the aching cold assailed him. He felt his heart begin to pound. Searching instinctively for comfort, his healing hand ached as he clumsily reached out to stroke his brother's head. 

Lan XiChen woke with a jolt, the touch he had longed for, warm and soothing, had finally come and his head jerked up immediately. He looked into a pair of confused and questioning topaz eyes and shouted, "Wangji! My Little Zhan! Where have you been?"

"I...don't know...I...what happened? ...I remember running. Falling...Oh, XiChen...I saw Mother..."

"Wait. I must send for Dr. Yue. Let him look at you first. You must not exert yourself. You must stay calm until he examines you."

Wangji laid back, too weak and exhausted to do more than watch with amusement as his brother ran to the door and barked orders to an assistant doctor immediately. He sounded in charge and more grown up than he remembered.

"XiChen...why do I move so slowly? How long have I been sleeping?"

"Four weeks, Little brother..."

"What?! How can that be?"

"Shhh...We will talk about it later. Dr. Yue will be here soon. He gave orders for you to stay calm until he gets here."

"You look so tired. Have you been here the whole time?"

XiChen nodded as he pulled the blankets up around Wangji's shoulders again.

"You must stay warm. And no more talking until the Doctor arrives!"

Wangji lay back and closed his eyes obediently. As he did so, his brother began to cry quietly, his emotions, stretched to the breaking point. His Little Zhan had come back to him and that oppressive aloneness was gone, in an instant. He wiped the tears from his face and suddenly felt a small hand grip his. 

"I am sorry I was asleep for so long..."

"No matter. I just...was so afraid I was going to lose you. Life would be unbearable if it had. Quiet now. We have all the time in the world."

"But one thing only. Then I will be quiet. I did see Mother. She sends her love to her Little Dove. She never wanted to leave us. So do not cry. We will see this life through together. I promise."

Lan XiChen smiled lovingly, his mother's smile. Wangji smiled back.

"Now rest and the Doctor will be here soon. No more until he sees you, Okay?"

"Okay."

As he lay there, eyes closed and mind tossing, he was suddenly aware of something. A quick flash...a clear and undeniable vision. A small box made of sturdy oak and tightly bound with copper appeared in front of him. Etched in his calligraphy on a copper plate on the front, it said Do not open. Denver. Then it was gone in a flash. He was startled and sank deep into his mind, but it was gone again. Puzzling, but his mind was so foggy and there was so much to catch up with, he almost immediately forgot about it. Life was about to get more complicated than he could imagine, and the vision of the box dissipated for the moment as the knock on the door announced Dr, Yue's arrival. The tall man sat down by his side and said, "Welcome back Lan Wangji."

"Thank you, Doctor Yue. But please, call me Lan Zhan from now on. I have grown up, as you can see.