Siren In The Sky // Bradley Bradshaw

Chapter 11

My tears have gradually stopped but I keep my face hidden into Bradley's neck. I'm so embarrassed. Why did he have to follow me? He should've never seen that. At the same time, I can't help but be thankful. His strong hold and consolatory words made me feel a little less alone.

"Do you want to talk about it?" His deep voice fills the atmosphere. Embarassment burns my body further. "It's stupid," I mutter. I can feel the redness in my cheeks. He pulls me back so he can look me in the eyes but I keep my eyes cast downward. "Look at me." His soft command pulls my gaze to him, almost against my will. I'm shocked by the clear worry in his eyes. "Whatever it is, it's not stupid."

I drag a hand over my face as I sigh. "It's my birthday," I start. Bradley nods, letting me take my time to find the words. "Growing up my dad would usually be out on deployment. But every year, without fail, he would call me on my birthday. When my mom-" I pause for a moment, thickly swallowing. "When my mom died the little time at home seemed to disappear. I didn't say anything, though. I knew everyone grieves differently and maybe working was his. I was 14. I missed him, and I felt alone. But he always called me on my birthday." A small, sad smile dawns my face.

I take a deep breath as Bradley rubs soothing circles on my back. "When I was 16 I was in a bad place. I missed my mom, and I missed my dad. I didn't have many friends growing up because I preferred to keep to myself. Going home to an empty house everyday was taking a toll on me." My words pause when I think about what comes next. 

"He came home one night and I was overjoyed. I foolishly thought that maybe this time he'd stay. He left the next morning."

"Dad, please! You just got back. Why are you leaving again?" 

"I can't do this right now Selene. I have to go."

"I-I tried to stop him. I begged and pleaded. I told him that I needed him; I needed my dad." I bitterly laugh. "He couldn't even spare me a glance."

My eyes plead with him but he doesn't even look in my direction, keeping his gaze on the wall to his right. His face was stone cold, so unlike the father I grew up with. "I can't be in this house. I can't be around you when you're the spitting image of your mother. I have to go."

"I realized that he wasn't throwing himself into his work to help with his grief, he did it to avoid me. So he wouldn't have to be around me." The pain in my chest feels as fresh as it did that day. "He didn't call me on my 17th birthday."

I wince as I remember that day. I checked my phone practically every 5 minutes, turned the ringer off and back on to see if it was working. Despite having school the next day I stayed up until midnight, just in case he called. 

"He didn't call me any birthday after that either."

A stray tear makes its way down my face. When Bradley's thumb gently brushes it away I remember where I am. I cover my face with my hands and shake my head. "It's stupid, I know I'm being stupid. But every year on my birthday I still hope he'll call me. And as the day goes on with no word I get angrier and angrier. Not with him, but with myself." 

Removing my hands I lean back, scoffing at myself. "I hate how even though its been 8 years I'm reduced to a pathetic little girl hoping her dad calls." 

Bradley menouvers my head back onto his chest while he lays back. I snuggle into him as he kisses my forehead, but I can see his hand that isn't around me is fisted at his side. My own slides to cover it, hoping to calm him down. He relaxes a bit, but is still rigid. 

"I'm sorry," I say in a hushed tone. He turns his head to look down on me while I look up. "What are you sorry for?" Confusion is clear on his face and his eyebrows are furrowed. "I've been mean to you all day. I knew it wasn't your fault and I took my anger out on you anyway. I'm just scared..." that you're going to leave me too. No, I can't say that. "I'm scared that I'm always going to be alone." 

It's the truth. I feel so alone sometimes, like nobody would notice if I just disappeared. Deep down I know that's not true, that at least Striker would notice. However, the irrational part of my brain tries to convince me otherwise. 

"Either way it's not an excuse, so I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You can always take out your anger on me." Bradley says lightheartedly. A small smile cracks on my face. How he can always make me feel better, I'll never know. His face turns serious again. "As for your dad....." I gulp nervously. "I am truly and deeply sorry. You deserve so much better." His honey eyes hold so much sencerity and pain, like he's in pain for me. No one has ever looked at me like that. "And you're not alone, not anymore. You have Striker, everyone at Top Gun, me. We're not going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere." 

Warmth spreads through my chest at his words. He says it with such finality. Like it's a promise. 'I'm not going anywhere' Does he mean it?

"And it's your 24th birthday! We need to celebrate!" I laugh at his wide, cheeky smile. "It's late and we have to be up early." He socffs and rolls his eyes. "I didn't mean tonight. Saturday! We'll get the whole group together and hit the Hard Deck. It'll be fun." I ponder about it for a second. I don't really want to celebrate my birthday but it sounds fun. 

"I don't know...." I trial off. "Pretty pleaseeeee" His mouth is pouting, drawing my eyes to his lips for a moment. I quickly avert my gaze to his puppy dog eyes. How am I supposed to resist that. "Ughhh fineeee."

He grins. "I knew you couldn't resist this face."