Need To Know🌸Austin ButlerxFem Reader (BBW, plus size friendly)

Life of the Fat, Funny Friend

6:30 AM on a Tuesday.

That stupid preset alarm from my Iphone goes off, playing that soft piano rift. Is this shit supposed to help me wake up, or fall asleep?

I creep out of bed wearing nothing but an oversized, faded, overwashed Britney Spears shirt I bought off the Rue21 clearance rack. I walk into the bathroom, still half in a dream. Damn, I'm tired.

I remove my shirt to see my flabby tummy and big saggy breasts. I try not to look in the mirror as I step into the shower. I notice my legs have gotten noticeably bigger, and now my thighs rub together. I stare down at my fupa as the hot water runs down my back. I push it out and look pregnant. Push it in and I'm skinny. Push it out and I hate myself. Push it in and I can't breathe.

I close my eyes and let the water hit me. I relax as I think of the inevitable day that lays ahead of me. I step out of the shower and put my robe on. Outside in the living room my mom has the news on. It's an interview with a young, blonde, fresh-faced tall fellow with a somewhat cocky smile.

"Did you hear?" said my mom. "There's a new movie coming out. An Elvis Biopic. This is the guy playing Elvis."

I cringed slightly. He looked nothing like Elvis. "Who even is this?" I ask, still cranky from waking up.

"Austin Butler," she says. "He seems like a real gentleman!"

"Hmmph" I muttered. "Austin Butler.." I whispered under my breath. Where have I heard that name before?

I walk back to my room and put on my scrubs. As I pushed the waistband up, it rolls down again. My scrub top sticks to my sides. I sit down on my bed and think of all the weight I've put on. I pull the scale out from underneath and do a dreaded weigh-in.

A big number on the screen reads "205"

"Got damn..." I mutter. "How the fuck did I gain all that weight in a year?"

I was insecure. Feeling resentful. Two years prior, during the pandemic, I had made it a mission to go from 225 lbs to 150 lbs. My lowest weight was 155 lbs in early 2021. I felt so powerful and beautiful, but deep down inside I was still hurting. Between family drama, and the stress of everyday life...I gained most of it back, and was feeling a bit defeated.

I put on my plastic butterfly earrings that I had recieved so many compliments on. (and for $5 at Burlington, they were a steal 😊) I slipped on my crocs and headed out the door with my mother, onward, to work.

After dropping her off at her job I made my way to mine. As I was pulling out of the lot I noticed a ping on my phone, from my friend Daniella. Siri read, "Hey. Wanna hangout this Friday?" I rolled my eyes. Daniella was always hitting me up to hangout because homegirl doesn't have a job. I still give in though, because we do have fun when we get together.

Once I arrived at work, I replied "Sure. Wanna see the Elvis movie?" I hate to admit that watching the news that morning had piqued my interest in seeing the movie.

I went about my day at work, scanning in documents, taking care of my patients, and doing my own thing, not much associating with the other nurses. I couldn't stand the cattiness and pettiness that some of them bestowed. I always ate lunch in my car because of my social awkwardness and also because of how cliquey the work environment was. That afternoon I entered the nurse's lounge to grab a snack from the vending machine. I heard the other staff talking.

"Oh my gosh!!!" Nurse Carmen gushed, "Have you seen Austin Butler? He's a SNACK! I wanna eat him all up!"

"Yo, DEADASS." muttered Nurse Shanice. "I'm definitely seeing that Elvis movie when it drops"

I cringed listening to the teenage-like banter of these grown adult women. As I was inserting my quarters I heard one of them scoff under their breath.

"Ugh there she goes again with the snack machine, she's put on so much weight, she needs to stop..." Whispers began flooding the room, I felt the stares. The only one who was quiet was my dear friend Nurse Courtney, who was sitting in the corner of the room with her airpods in.

I pretended I didn't hear and went about my business. I never made a faster beeline to my car in my life. I held the Cliff bar I obtained from the vending machine, but could not bring myself to open it. I held it in my hands and eventually crushed it up and threw it in the outside dumpster. Comments like that either made me binge, or starve myself. No in-between. Tears flooded my eyes as I stared at the clock, preparing myself for the inevitable return to the salt mines. For the rest of my workday, I walked the floor in silence. Minded my business. Took my vitals, ran through my patients, did my charting.

It isn't that I hated myself. I just wished I was someone different. I trained my mind not to blame those with such bitter hearts, that they need to bring others down. In their defense, we've all been brainwashed to think that a size 2 is ideal and anything above a 10 is the dreaded F word. We all have our insecurities. We have all knocked someone else down to raise ourselves up, at least once in our lives.

It still doesn't make it hurt any less.

I went home that day, listened to my feminist bop playlist, showered, and fell asleep. Dreaming about who I wanted to be and who I would become. Some night felt long and restless. I felt this existential sense of doom regarding my love life. Being a late bloomer isn't easy..but sleeping off my fears is easier.