October 11, 2021 - Monday, 9:30 pm
Dear Diary,
I hate myself.
Have you ever felt so insecure?
You feel unwanted, discarded, ignored. Irrelevant to other people. I'm fine with being irrelevant to other people, but if it's my friends who feel that way toward me, It makes me feel extremely devastated.
I have three friends. We all vowed to be honest with each other, keep each other's secrets, and not spill out of the group. We had different personalities. Different hobbies. DIfferent lives. Despite that, we managed to form an unbreakable bond, of trust and reliability. Or so I thought.
Maybe I'm too different from them.
I can't help but feel as if they don't want me around. Maybe I am a burden. Perhaps I'm just a simple bystander.
Whatever it is, I feel awful. I feel like shit.
Maybe I don't stand out. Maybe I'm not attractive enough. Maybe I look too different? Maybe I'm too different when it came to thinking. Maybe we liked the opposite things, and the things I liked were the things that disgusted them or things they despised.
I'm not confident. I don't believe in myself too much. I have an inferiority complex towards every person my age or older. I'm too childish. I hate responsibilities. I'm messy and unorganized, both physically and mentally. I have a dream, but I doubt myself too much to even try to achieve it.
They say, "people change". So, maybe I can too. And when I do, I can finally leave my insecure shell and mingle with the normal people. Maybe they'll want me around. Maybe even like me.
