Crash

I'm not sorry

"Just like old times then?" he joked. In a weird way, that made her feel a little better. "How many times have I picked you up off someone's bathroom floor, huh?"

"Too many times," she sniffled, but it was the closest she'd been to smiling all night. He wasn't wrong - Jasper was always the first person she called when she was in trouble. When Harry had broken her heart, he'd sat up with her all night, always a shoulder to cry on. She loved him for that. "I don't know what to do this time. I feel so far away."

"You could come home," Jasper suggested, his voice hopeful. 

"L.A. isn't home anymore, Jasper," Penelope said sadly. "You know that."

"Right. Monaco is."

"Charles is. Or was, maybe I don't know. Maybe I was stupid to think it could work. Everyone lets me down eventually, guess he's no different."

Penelope could tell Jasper was choosing his words carefully. "Listen, I know you don't want to hear this right now. Normally, if it was any other guy, I'd tell you to leave his ass and never look back, but Charles...well, I've seen how the guy looks at you. The guy loves you, and sometimes that's worth fighting for. You make each other better. Don't throw that away before giving things a chance to get better."

"How much did it hurt you to say that?"

"I threw up in my mouth halfway through. I mean it, though. I want you to be happy."

"I love him so much, Jasper. It hurts. I can't think straight."

"When was the last time you were on the ice?"

Penelope went to reply, but she stopped herself. When was the last time she went skating? She'd spent so much time flying back to L.A. to work or following Charles around the world, that she hadn't carved out any time for dance since Nationals. That realisation was painful, too. "I don't know."

"If you were here and you needed to clear your head, what would you do?"

Slowly, Penelope started to catch on. "I'd go skating."

She could almost picture him smiling. "Then there's your answer."

"Okay. I can do this."

"You can."

"Hey Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for always picking me up off the bathroom floor."

"You're welcome. You call me anytime though, I'm serious. And if you want me to kick his ass, I happily will."

*************************

For once, the Monaco air was actually cold. Penelope had left the apartment with just her skating bag and car keys, having changed out of her dress and tied her hair up in a ponytail, never wanting to see that outfit ever again. She drove in silence, the windows down, letting the cool air cleanse her of her troubles. It didn't fix anything, but it made her feel clean again. 

Not shockingly, the rink was empty. There weren't that many figure skaters in Monaco anyway on a regular day, but at 4:30am in the morning, there were even less. It took her back to when she was younger, during competition season where she'd gotten up at ridiculous times in the morning to train before having to film for her show, then returning to the rink to train again in the evening. She remembered her grandparents driving her back and forth, telling her that all the hard work would be worth it. That time in her life felt so far away now. 

The lights in the rink were so bright that Penelope had to squint to see as she walked in. It was completely empty, almost eerily so, but right now that was a good thing. Being alone helped her to think.