Poems

Never Ending Torment

Some days I feel fine

Some days I feel like a million bucks

Most days I feel like I am slowly dissipating

I am forced to watch that million bucks be shredded

I watch in agony as the million happy memories I made over the year

Be shredded to a slow, hopeless, deafening pulp

My soul being shredded with the sound of a screaming child

A child who just wanted peace in there own home

A child who didn't want to fear stepping in the threshold 

Of a place they are supposed to feel safe

A child who wanted nothing more than a happy family

A child who was forced to grow up to fast in life full 

Of never ending torment

A teenager who just wanted to be loved by others

A young girl who felt pressured to be perfect

Where she starved herself

Threatened to kill herself

And put scars on her beautiful body

Just for a little bit of attention

When it didn't work

She actually tried to kill herself

Her blade cutting deeper into her skin

And her ribs being more prominent by each bite she refused to take

A hospital gown is something of her worst nightmares

A place she wanted to help her 

Became a place she feared more than death itself

For she was forced to look at those empty white walls

With every blinding white wall

A memory had arose and was now searing its way into her brain

A teenager who pretends she feels no fear

But in reality is truly afraid of her own existence

Afraid that she took up to much space

Afraid that she may even be breathing the wrong way

To loud

To loud

Just like the voices that rested in her brain

The only voice she can believe

The one that reminds her that she is alone

The voice that keeps the blade close and ready

The voice that keeps a pill bottle hidden just in case

The voice that is all her own and something she can't control

For everything she has gone through

Has shaped this broke, mistrusting, fragile young girl

From the child who was scared of her own home

To the teenager who is scared to leave hers

In fears she may anger someone with her meer existence

To the 15 year old girl who reads and reads and reads

In hopes she may be able to escape this scary reality