Patrochilles

VI

"Ah, Patroclus!"

Achilles returns right before supper.

He enters in a flurry of excitement, parting the tent with ease.

My eyes snap to him, alert for the first time all day. I scan his face.

There is blood on his left cheek, and I reach for him, it, instinctively, but of course my arm turns leaden and falls to my lap before I can help him.

Flames rush to my cheeks. I am stupid. Now he will find me out.

But Achilles does not notice. He is unbuckling his belt, laughing, telling me of his kills.

"Patroclus, you should have seen me! My spears cut through the men like wheat."

"I did not know they would be so easy to kill."

At this, his face grows cloudy, but then he speaks again.

"And they came from all sides, the chariots, the spears, ..."

Achilles moves freely, easily, draping his cloak on the chair, resting his sword and shield against the chair.

His movement fills the tent whole.

I cannot even sigh in relief.

I instead sit quietly on the bed and give him a wan smile, even though the stories of soaring spears and racing chariots make me sick.

I feel bile rise in my throat, but I shove it back down and grip the sheets harder with my aching fingers.

Achilles flashes me a quick smile and does not seem to notice. Good.

Hector. Paris. Troilus. Priam.

He pelts words at me that I do not understand, but I smile, and Achilles goes on.

Agamemnon. Odysseus. Menelaus.

Once I knew these people, but I am tired now.

I watch as he tugs new clothes on, kicks off his muddy shoes.

Then, Achilles plops right onto the foot of the bed.

"Patroclus, I missed you."

He reaches for me, but chants sound from outside.

"ACHILLES. ACHILLES. ACHILLES."

Achilles rolls his eyes and smiles. Says he only wants me, but his eyes slide towards the tent crack. He is drunk on his own power, the honor the Greeks laid so easily at his feet.

It is fine. It is his first day. He will learn.

I wave him off with a hand propped against my knee, and he smiles at me like a little boy, before bounding out the flap.

Just as he exits, I lean over and throw up into the basin, then collapse onto the sheets.

The rocking bed breaks my bones into dust.