Iridescent

Chapter 8

Meredith

My body slumped onto Stasia's bed and I ran my hand across the material, reminding myself of the curves and grooves of fine silk.

She wasn't supposed to know. She wasn't supposed to ask.

This wasn't something I expected to tell her—or wanted to. It was something that was supposed to die within me someday. The guilt that seeped to the pit of my stomach started to stretch and rip through my veins again, burning my insides.

I didn't need to feel my shame all over again.

"God, what I am going to do?" I rubbed my hands down my face and fought the itch in my throat, begging another cough from me.

I raised to my feet and walked towards the open doors of the balcony.

"You are going to stay here, Meredith," She assured me, gripping my hand along the cold stone and I was shaking under her touch, "You will be safe here." My silk dress was worn from running, torn in some places and the skirt was wet and soaked with dirt. The lace frill that once peeked from the edge of the long sleeves were long gone.

Her green eyes softened as they met mine and I realized I was crying when a tear slipped down my cheek. She quickly wiped it away and hugged me to her, "I will take care of you Meredith." She pulled away and rubbed her thumbs along on my hands and she looked so pained to see my face stained with tears. "Both of you."

"I am so scared, Regina," I uttered, but the words trembled as they fell out of mouth.

She shook her head, her green eyes looking so determined, "Here, you are never going to be scared again." Her words relaxed me for a moment, but I couldn't get my parent's expressions out of my mind.

Their only child, their hopes, their sole heir—now impure.

She ran her hands up to my shoulders, empathy written all over her face and her warm hands cupped my cheeks, saying, "Let us get you into dry clothes—you are shaking."

It pained me to think of taking the dress off, knowing that it was to be thrown away as soon as I did so. My mother always told me that gowns were a sort of armor to a woman—something to take pride in and cherish because not all had the luxury to wear them. They were a part of a woman's power.

This was the last dress I would know that came from my home in Boden—the last piece of what I had known to be myself and I never wanted to part from it, so I shook my head, "No, please don't throw it away. It-it—" I choked back a sob that cut through my chest.

When I collapsed into her arms, she lifted me in a hug, "Shhh...It's okay, Meredith. We won't throw it away, okay? We are just going to get you clean and warm for now—it will help you feel a little better."

She dressed and combed my hair, generous with care and time as she did so. My eyes snuck a look at my crumpled dress laying on the chase and a drop of guilt washed around in my stomach as I was refreshed with the feeling of a silk night gown. I felt embarrassed and appreciative all at once—knowing that Regina didn't have to stretch her neck out for me like she did.

Now, I was no one.

She was the only one who opened up her arms when all the doors of my life had closed.

"Meredith?" A small voice said at the door.

Irina.

A knock trembled against the wood and I arose and walked over to unlock and open it. "I'm sorry, Irina," I looked at her and she shook her head, refusing. "No, truly. I should have just—"

"It's okay," She nodded quickly, assuring me, "I was just coming to make sure that you're okay."

I'll never be okay. That was something I accepted a long time ago.

"I am," I took a deep breath, the words automatically forming. I adjusted the ribbon on my apron behind me, fastening it a little and paused to adjust the clip in my hair before I moved towards the door, "Now, let's go clean something."

I needed to get my mind off a few things.