𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙩 ☁𝙛𝙚𝙯𝙘𝙤

chapter 18 (aka episode 8) PT 1

"Is everything okay?" She called out, and Fez called back, "All good." But his voice sounded restrained. "Do you need help?" Eleanor asked. "We got it, don't worry," he replied, voice still sounding off. Eleanor debated going to look, leaving the stupid test behind her.

But she knew that if she did, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to see the results. And so she looked back at her phone, checking the timer on her phone.

Four more minutes. Four unbearably long minutes.

✧✧✧

When Ethan made friends in the first grade, and stopped hanging out with Eleanor, she felt like he had betrayed her.

He was supposed to be her friend, and she was supposed to always be his first pick. But instead, he chose his new, cool friends. And left Eleanor, age five, crying alone on the playground.

It wasn't like Ethan exiled her- he still played with her at home, if she begged enough. But to Eleanor, it felt like he was leaving her behind, despite them being the same age.

She had to fend for herself now, and one thing that Eleanor wasn't good at was making friends, because she always had Ethan. So she didnt need to. It would always be them, together, against the world. Until it wasnt.

In fifth grade, Ethan had cried to their parents because he didn't want to have a joint birthday party with Eleanor, he wanted to have a sleepover, with just his friends.

So while Ethan was laughing with his friends on his birthday night, Eleanor was having her cake alone with her mother, because she didn't have- or wanted anyone to invite.

After that, Eleanor stopped expecting Ethan to be her friend. She stuck to the sidelines, her birthday quickly becoming a routine- cake with her mother, staying up watching a horror movie, and then opening the present that Ethan was forced to give her, courtesy of their mom.

Half the time he didn't even do it himself, Judy simply had him sign his name on a card and that was that.

Eleanor stopped with the handwritten cards and specific presents after she caught Ethan thanking their mom for writing the card that she had thought he'd written just for her.

Their junior year, though, they started getting closer. For the first time since they were children, Eleanor felt like she actually had a bond with her brother.

Even though Ethan hated Nate, and thought Eleanor could do so much better, the bond between the two had still grown

So Eleanor never mentioned how dejected she had felt, how many diary entries she had written about how badly she wished he liked her.

Because they were finally them again, finally Ethan and Eleanor. So there was no point in dwelling on the past when the future looked so good.

✧✧✧

"- you know, Laurie? The drug dealer that lives in the apartment complex off Kemper?"

Eleanor frowned up at the door as Faye mentioned the off putting woman, confused as to why she would bring her up. As if the time they had both been forced to strip naked at her house hadn't been traumatic enough.