We Almost Had It

Before He Came Into My Life

Summer 2021 in Brasilia, Brazil. I just finished my foundation year in Boston university and I'm counting down the days till I get to go back and start my official first year. I'm Silvia I'm 20 years old and I'm from Brazil, studying in Massachusetts.

Fast forward to end of August. I'm finally back in Boston seeing the new friends I made back in June almost every single day. We're going for coffee, watching movies, and having the typical night life outings every college student has. Using my friend's ID to enter clubs and bars since I was just 19 at the time. Life couldn't be more perfect. I was finally living. Back in Brazil I was the shy girl living behind my sister's shadow. No boys liked me, I barely went out. I didn't know what life was about and how challenging and hard it could get. But those next 10 months would change everything.

This is where our story begins. I was out one night with my friends at our favorite club. It was just Cara, Maya, and I and we were having a blast. Next thing I know this guy who seemed really cute kept approaching me and talking to me. I didn't give him much attention because I knew it would upset Cara. She was always the type of person who would get upset when the attention isn't on her. However, he seemed really sweet and I was intrigued. I kept apologizing and saying that I couldn't speak to him because it would upset my friend but in time, I got his number and made plans to go on a date with him the next night. Exciting, right?

Next night, I got dressed for the date and met him somewhere in town and we ended up going to a restaurant. It was a little awkward and it felt like the conversations were a little forced but we kept the night going. Later on we decided to go to the club (my favorite club in fact). There he told me all of his friends were coming and that he was waiting for them. That upset me. I know it's a little awkward but why are you inviting your friends to our date? 35 mins later his friends arrived and were sat at our booth. I felt extremely uncomfortable so I walked over to the toilet to take a breather. While I'm sat there trying to figure out how to deal with this, a girl approaches me. I tell her about my situation and she was kind enough to invite me over to her booth because she was in the city visiting her sister. She told me she's out with her friend, sister, and her sister's boyfriend and that I was welcome to join. So that's exactly what I did. (I also did find out months later that she slept with my date as soon as I got home that night but I'm getting ahead of myself). As soon as I got to her table I got along more with her sister Esme (who is a huge character in this story) and spent the rest of my night with her. At the end of the night, my date Isaac was gone and Esme and her boyfriend Jace were kind enough to get food with me then walk me home. That's where my friendship with Esme originated from. From then on I kept in contact with her and even invited her to tag along with Cara, Maya, and I to celebrate my birthday on the beginning of September.

Fast forward to Sept 5th, three days before my birthday, my mother passes away. I quickly rushed back home for 4 weeks to be with my family. I never saw it coming and I never thought I would experience a loss so huge. But that's another story. Her passing changed me psychologically which explains why I was the way I was in the next coming months. Rest In Peace mother.

On the 25th of September I landed back in Boston. Still shook up and confused. But one thing I knew for certain is that I did not want to be in my studio alone so I told my friends that we're going out for my birthday that night. It was me, Cara, Maya, and Esme. Cara and Maya got me a small cake, gifts, and a birthday sash that read "20" to wear out. Everything went great. Little did I know that day was what would bring me to him. To Dean.