I Dared To Call Him Husband (The Man I Married)

16

"Am here again Zuriel" she shaky in a shaky voice like she was about to cry.
"I can't do it anymore, I can't hang in any longer,my strength is draining each day,am getting weaker and weaker as the day goes and I feel a day is coming when I will loose all my strength and the will to leave" she sniffed and for about a minute she couldn't speak and only cried.

Myles was hurt,he never knew her condition was this bad and for the first time in a long while he felt pity for someone.
"How bad could it be?"he thought.

"Am tired of the drugs,the injections,the constant routine test,being confined in a bed and in one room,the strict diet and the several procedures and tube running to my body is driving me crazy"

"I can't say this to mom and neither can I to dad, I don't want them to start grieving about my death before it's actually happens and with the way they are they did go all spiritual about it and it's crazy, am the one with the sickness and the one with the pain but I can't voice it out because they did rebuke me, I know how am feeling right, I don't think I will survive this, at this point I just wished they did take me home, what's the point of getting treated when I can't live forever,i will die eventually so why not now" her voice grew faint again and then she went silent.
Once again she sobbed for a while.

"I voiced out to the nurse and she said I was being hypochondriac,but am the one with the disease and the pain, I know what am feeling inside,none of them know and no matter the amount of empathy they feel for me they did never have the exact feelings. But you know dying is actually a good thing at least I won't have to think about getting good grades, and am finally going to be free of our house financial problems am going to get a full rest forever, I wouldn't have to wake up early to prepare for the day's business while everyone else in the neighbourhood is asleep,no late night sleep because I will be asleep forever, wouldn't that be nice" she said trying to force a smile on her cracked lips.

"I only have one wish Zuriel,that you did come to see me before the plane with tyre takes me home. I don't know why you haven't but I have a haunch that mom and dad are hiding something and I hope you're not part of it, cause I will be angry at you" she said and sigh.

"Please come see me soon ,so I can go in peace, am really frank about dying, forget being hypochondriac and the fear of surgery, I just know I won't survive this,so forgive me if you also feel that am being negative and shouldn't being saying this but I can't deny this feeling, everyday I sleep with the feeling that I might not get to see you one last time and the following day I did try my best doing away with the doctor's suggestion of getting maximum rest, I know I know am going to die but sometimes I feel am not prepared enough"
"Yes,i just remember another point why it did be good if I die, when I finally go, mom and dad are finally going to start saving,they did have one burden less because they don't have to pay for Hospital bills and waste money, you're finally going to get our room to yourself and don't have to lack because of me again,isn't that nice?" She said and smile.

"Great news Zuriel,am finally going to die" she whispered and was about to end the video but change her mind and said.
"Hey, make sure not to ignore this one okay, or I might choose not to die and make you loose all those opportunities" she said in quite a jovial voice.

"It's hard okay, even for me,sometimes am torn between having to live and not to, but what choice have I got,whatever will be will be,so take heart and forgive me if am being in considerate of your feelings and all of that,forgive my selfishness and lack of thoughts, forgive me for having make you loose all the opportunities because I had to be taken care of, forgive me for being such a weak elder sister and not having the physical strength to fight for you,forgive me for being the person I've have been all the while, forgive me for making you all grown even at such a young age,for making you do all those chores and work when I was weak, forgive me for not protecting you well enough and thank you for all the responsibilities you took without complain for me, I love okay " as she said thus words you could see how hard she was trying to tame in her tears and she did a great job with that until the video finally ended.