Getting back to "Normal" | Rhekker

Chapter 2- Ava Bekker

Connor slams his fists into the OR table in frustration. "This can't be happening, Ava can't be..."

Sharron walks into the room to take in the view herself, unable to believe what she had just witnessed. "Another suicide at Gaffney, this can't be happening, not again"

"Until we sort through, this, It dose not become public knowledge" Goodwin stammers out, touching her face nervously.
Connor leads with his shoulder and storms out of the OR. Connor skips the scrub room and uses a back corridor to get into the doctors lounge, not wanting to be seen by his colleagues. Once locked in the safety of the men's bathroom Connor catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. The surgery was so urgent, and Connor was so desperate to save Ava he hadn't worn gloves for the entire operation. Connor palms, fingernails and arms were thick with blood.

"Ave's blood" Connors conscience cruelly remind him. Feeling a stabbing pain in his chest, Connor took a shaking breath, finally processing what had happened.
"Ava Bekker died" He tells himself.
Ave Bekker died today, in your arms
You'll never hear her sweet accent again, see her smile, watch her from across the operating table
You'll never touch the curve of her waist, feel your hand in her hair, as her body leans into yours and feel the warmth as you hold each other close.
Your lips will never brush hers again and she will never make a clever remark at you again. She gone. Gone, gone, gone, gone, gone.

Connor gasps, clinging onto the edge of the sink for support. He's managed to scrub most of the blood from his palms and arms. Washing the sink down, Connor splashes some cold water on his face, trying to calm himself. He gets changed in silence, alone in the doctors lounge and finally having managed to silence his intrusive mind.
Connor closes his locker, sliding his hand across to the right he lands himself on Ava's old locker. "I'm sorry Avey" he whispers to himself, hoping wherever she is she can hear him.

Leaving Goodwin a quick sticky note, expanding he won't be back, Connor leave through the back door without a further word. Connor knew he shouldn't be driving in this state, but he couldn't stay at the hospital, he had to get away. Hastily pulling into the underground car park of his apartment block Connor got out and went up the lift. Letting himself into his apartment, Connor slumped down into a bar stool. Hanging his hand in his hands Connor mind cams back to him. "Ava Bekker is dead" he thought in disbelief.

My Ave Bekker. Though I suppose she wasn't mine in the end.

Connor removed his face from his hands, the watch that Ava had playfully fought him for after one of their nights together. Uncoiling the watch from his wrist he let it slip into his free hand. The watch hid more of Ava's blood behind it, Connor seemed unable to escape it no matter how hard he tried.

Taking a deafeningly quite shower Connor just let the water run over him, washing away what it could.

"Is this how she felt in the end. Alone at the beginning and alone in the end" Connor thought grimly.

Getting out of the shower Connor barely even dried himself before pulling on a clean pair of boxers. He runs a shaky hand through his damped hair. Opening his draw Connor rooted around until he found what he was looking for. An old grey band shirt that Connor hadn't worn in years. This was Ava's shirt when she came over, it hugged her hips so perfectly. Burying his nose in the fabric he deeply inhaled, trying to find some remains of her scent, the floral lilac.

Crawling into bed Connor slipped the shirt on, still holding it close to his nose. Feeling the safety of his duvet Connor let of all his emotions from the day, weeping into a pillow before exhaustion final took him to sleep.
There was not a sound in the apartment, except for the light ding of a text message.

Dr. Latham:
Dear Dr. Rhodes...

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A/n: So given the day I figured I had to post the start of this book. It's been in my library for a while and I've got about 28 chapters written that I'm happy with. It you're interested in me continuing let me know.