Broken Heart

One-Shot with Yoshino Junpei

Junpei couldn't help sliding his hand into the pocket of his sweater to check and make sure it's still there. Brushing his fingertips over the small box, making sure that it's still there despite him checking almost every minute now. He's been saving up for a while now to buy this and then waiting for the right time to give it to them. He couldn't think of a better time than during the holidays to do this.

Despite the sun being out it was a very chilly day at the park and it only got Junpei's mind wandering to the two of them huddling together for warmth, his hands wrapped around them and his face buried into their neck. He could feel his face heating up and a smile appear on his face as he thinks about it, hiding his face in his scarf despite no one being around.

He checks his pocket once again, this time pulling the box out and opening it to take out a small silver ring with a pink stone in the shape of a heart. It was a little cheesy but it's something he picked out himself for them and he couldn't wait to see their reaction.

Junpei starts to get a little worried as more time passes, the early sunset already creeping into view and still they weren't here. He checks his phone and doesn't see any new messages, their last one confirming to meet him today at their agreed time. He decides to stay a little longer just in case, considering sending them another message in case they forgot about their meeting.

~~~

He was out there until 10pm. He came back home, extremely cold despite all the layers he's wearing and feeling on the verge of a breakdown. He could tell his mother had a couple drinks and ignored her questions as he closed himself off into his room, just wanting to be by himself for the rest of the night. He took off all his layers and threw them into the corner of his room, changing into warm pajamas and throwing himself into his bed and underneath the covers, a feeble attempt at blocking out the world and everything in it.

He grabs his phone and opens his social media, scrolling through until he saw something peculiar: his partner, seemingly enjoying themselves at a party with their friends and a few of the guys from their school. He's surprised to see that they're the one who posted the pictures, proving to him that they had their phone close by them this whole time. We're they...ignoring him on purpose? No, they're not that kind of person...right?

He could feel anger and jealousy building up inside him, making his hands shake a bit and his breathing starting to hitch in his throat. Before he knew it he threw the blankets off himself and started typing underneath the photo:

Did you forget we were supposed to meet today?

Junpei sat there with the phone in his hand, staring at the screen to see if they would reply this time. He kept trying to tell himself that surely they weren't in the wrong, that maybe they forgot what day it was or got their plans mixed up. That little voice in the back of his head though wouldn't shut up about what else this could mean though and it kept Junpei in a constant state of distress. Just then he felt his phone vibrate in his hand and sees that it's his partner calling, almost dropping his phone before he picks up:

"Hello?"

"Delete that comment right now, that's really embarrassing for everyone to see."

"Well why didn't you show up today? I was waiting for hours, you said you'd be there. I had the whole day planned out and...even something special planned at the end of it."

"If it's about the ring, I know."

Junpei was stunned into silence by them mentioning the ring. How did they know about it?

"How did you-"

"Last time I came over I accidentally found it. You left it on your desk and I looked while you were out of the room. What is it exactly?"

*sigh* "It's a...promise ring. I wanted to give it to you today, just as the day was ending."

Junpei could hear them let out a huff followed by silence. He started to get really nervous, the feeling that he did something wrong creeping into his thoughts as he waits for them to say something.

"Look, we've only been together for 4 months. I could look over your clinginess and jealousy but this is too much. I should've said this sooner but...I felt bad for you. I started hanging out with you cause I felt sorry for you and I didn't expect you to catch feelings for me so fast. I tried to give you the relationship you want but my heart's just not into it no matter how much I try and I can't go along with it anymore, especially after this. I know this is a shitty way to break things off, I should've just said it to your face but I didn't know how you'd react. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

No words were coming to him as he sat there on his bed in the dark, feeling so many things at once but at the same time feeling nothing. He couldn't muster up the energy to say anything, the silence between them growing and making the air heavy.

"I'm sorry, Junpei. I don't know what else to say to you. I'm gonna hang up now and...maybe it's for the best if you delete my number. I have to go now."

Realizing that Junpei isn't going to hang up first, they let out a exasperated sigh before hanging up themselves. He could feel his chest tightening and starting to hurt, his breathing becoming more shallow. He felt like he was about to pass out as he grips his phone tightly, feeble attempts to control his breathing failing and he could feel tears starting to well up.

He lets his phone slip from his hand and drop onto the floor, not bothering to pick it up again as he proceeds to cover himself again in the layers of blankets that cover his bed, grabbing one of his pillows and pulling it underneath with him and pulling it towards himself as tightly as possible. It's at that point that he lets out all the emotional pain that started to build up, screaming and sobbing into the pillow as an attempt to muffle the sounds. His fingers digging so deep into the pillow that they started to hurt but not nearly as bad as the pain he was feeling in his chest.

His anxiety kept telling him that something like this was bound to happen but Junpei didn't want to believe it, he wanted to believe that things could actually work out this time, that things would turn out good for him this time. Maybe he was meant for a life of misery, of emotional and physical pain that would never go away, a constant running joke for everyone else to laugh at while he's left to suffer without a break. Maybe it'll be easier if he just accepts that instead of trying to change it.