Colonialism and María

Hope

It was an unending darkness

Of time

Of death

Trauma does that funny thing where you forget,

have foggy memories of your traumatic event.

I was not the exception,

I don't remember,

how many days we were,

without electricity

or water

or internet

or when phone services decided to work again.

I do remember moments,

Feelings.

how my gut dropped to my ankles

the way butterflies in my stomach worked overdrive

the first time that I came out of the house

I walked in light rain towards my grandparents' house

Little bits of chaos all around

How the grand green tropical forest

Turned into a desolate wasteland, in the blink of an eye

you couldn't see a single leave

like a fire had consumed the life off all the tress

I remember in the eye of the storm,

How my room was flooding,

I had to take my most prized possessions out.

a panicked 14-year-old scrambling around

Putting towels on the floor

Taking stuff from shelves,

The water growing

covering half the room

I tried to control it as best I could.

The Miami stainless steel "safety" windows

rattled and fought with the wind

winning the war against imploding in the end

but losing the battle

to the water.

I remember the day my parents had to drive

halfway across the island

Through destroyed

cities,

towns,

municipalities,

to check if my dad's family was alright

me and my sister stayed home

alone and anxious

we couldn't call,

we didn't know when they got there safely

If they were going to return that day

or the next.

Or if the road, which was once safe,

Would eat them

never let them come home again.

I remember many things.

Floating around in my mind,

No clear timeline.

Short stories and feelings.

Long ones that would take me a whole page to write.

Some memories warm,

Some still make me cry.

I know they're from Maria

they all have a common denominator

A prime number that makes them connect,

I was and felt hopeless,

I know I never want anyone else to feel that way themselves.

So why would I let my country live in that perpetual state?