Every Thread of Faith

Chapter 01

Chapter 01

I don't understand how life can be meaningful, beautiful, live life to the fullest as they say yet suffer in cruelty of life. I don't understand how every part of my body feels intact. I have complete bones- a mind that is unstable - and a fully functioning body but my heart feels empty. The meaningful thing in my life is that I'm still breathing and I'm still here. And I'm thankful for it. I should be.

I'm starting to worry where all this emptiness is coming from. Hindi ko masasabing kumpleto ang buhay ko ang daming kulang pakiramdam ko lumulutang na lang ako sa ibabaw. Buhay pa naman ako pero pakiramdam ko hindi na.

"Mygosh I literally studied for hours and pulled an all nighter tapos bagsak pa din ako?!" Sarai complained as she double -checked her paper on the one who got the highest mark in the class.

"Same," sagot ko dahil mas lalo na ako bagsak ako. "Majority naman sa class bagsak kaya hindi ako malungkot," I denied and shrugged dahil hindi naman ako masyadong grade conscious pero gagawin ko lahat para lang makapasa ako on time palagi kasi ayoko maging pabigat sa mga group works at doon sa mga individual works ginagawa ko agad din basta pasado ako at walang bagsak I'm content.

Tamad lang ako minsan pero hindi babagsak.

But this time I don't really know who's fault is it, nalungkot din ako doon sa grade na nakuha kasi mas mababa siya sa usual score ko I guess bawi na naman sa susunod na school year, final quiz kasi namin 'yon before mag finals, ang hirap. Hindi nagtuturo masyado 'yong professor namin so I guess it affected the whole section isa lang 'yong swinerte noong himala kaya kapag bagsak buong klase minsan nakakagaan sa feeling, you know you're not the only one.

"Right! pero ang annoying kasi hindi pumapasok biglang may suprise quiz?!" inis na sabi niya. Sinita ko siya dahil ang lakas noong boses niya nasa harapan pa 'yong prof namin na madalang pumasok.

"Bumawi na lang tayo sa next sem kung 'di sa next life wag na tayo mag financial management," natatawang sabi

"Grades doesn't define me!" Sarai said and I nodded, tapos tinago niya na 'yong papel sa bag niya pati mga ibang gamit niya na nakabusangot. Grades conscious kasi si Sarai kaya naiintindihan ko kung malungkot siya kasi halos maubusan na siya ng kilay kaka-aral palagi.

"Kapag bagsak," I added.

"Grades define me kapag mataas of course!" tumawa siya nang mahina. "Matapos lang talaga 'tong finals we have to go to elyu na!"

Dagat na dagat na din ako!

"Busy ako after finals," sabi ko dahil gusto ko maghanap ng part time job.

"What don't tell me hindi ka pa sasama? Three days and four nights lang tayo pagbigyan mo na ako!" lumipat siya sa tabi ko and she cradled my face in her hands, squishing my cheeks.

"Pag-iisipan ko, kailangan kong mag-part time hindi pwede mag-aksaya ng oras," tawa ko dahil sayang 'yong kikitain kong pera.

"Fine I won't stop you looking for work but girl you need to chillax din naman, pag sinama ko ba si Sian sasama ka?" she sounded so hopeful, pulling her last card.

"Ano akala mo sa akin marupok?! Syempre oo."

"Sian is your magic word talaga ang unfair nakakatampo ka na!" she crossed her arms and turned back on me. "Bahala ka you have no choice kasi it's already booked na!" pananakot niya at nilabas 'yong phone niya ng patago.

"Magpapaalam muna ako, kilala mo naman si mama nagbabalak pa lang ako magpaalam pero 'yong itsurang hindi ka na papayagan wala ka pang sinasabi," I told her. Dahil pahirapan talaga magpaalam kay mama kailangan kong humanap ng good timing o kaya maglinis ng buong bahay para payagan ako. But right now, I don't have the energy to do all that dahil alam kong hindi niya ako papayagan and basically I'm just reasoning out because I don't want to talk to her - we're not on good terms.