Loki x Reader: Into the MCU

Chapter 50: Decompress

You knew why. For starters, those had been child's play compared to Wakanda and Endgame battles. They'd never felt nearly as life or death as these had. Secondly, you hadn't died and been resurrected in those! You also figured the fact that Wakanda and Endgame were specifically from the movies was what made it all the more mind-blowing. Those were things you should never have seen, never have participated in. The thought of being in them was a cool one before, but not so much when in them. Even if you'd accepted being in a movie world, you'd pushed Infinity War and Endgame completely out of the realm of possibility. Which meant that, ever since Infinity War had started playing out, you hadn't had time to process or accept it. You'd just had to numbingly go through it all. Hold it all together. You hadn't had time to prepare yourself for Endgame, coming back to just be told it was happening.

It made it worse that all of your issues were of your own making. None of it would have been possible had you done your job better.

Don't. You just let it all out down there cuz Steve said you'd done it. And you did, right? Everyone's alive. You saved Tony. Nat, Vis, Loki, Gamora, they are all still here. Odin is still here. Asgard is still here.

The dead bodies that littered both battlefields flashed across your mind, and you winced. Next came the destroyed compound. Their home. Your home. Gone because of you. Screams filled your memories next, the shouts of those getting torn apart by dogs in the field around you as you try tuning it out to keep your focus on blasting and swinging your spear. No one ever talks about the non-main characters that die do they? But you were there. They were as real as any of the Avengers. Some helped you out throughout the battle, people you didn't know and some of who you were sure didn't make it. You remembered the unfathomably loud sound of the missiles as they exploded around you. You'd tried running through, focused only on getting the gauntlet. But now, with time to decompress, your mind seemed to play back all of the details you hadn't noticed it'd picked up. People blown apart by direct hits.

Had I hopped over a faceless guy??? you thought in a panic, suddenly having the image of a sorcerer from the mystic arts laying on the ground as you leap over him to pursue the stones. Well, you think it's a him. The memory isn't clear, because his face was smashed in. Possibly from flying debris from the missiles, possibly from one of Thanos' large brutes. Possibly any of the other horrible things you'd allowed to get to earth.

"Are you ok?" Hogun asked, and you nearly jumped.

You realized you must have looked frenzied, being jittery enough to get jump scared by a question.

"Yeah, I'm good," you smiled, "Just a lot to process down there, right?"

You tried saying it casually, unafraid to show you were a little nervous or tired, but hiding what you'd really been terrifying yourself with in your head.

"That?" Volstagg laughed like it was fun, "That was as glorious a victory as I've ever witnessed! Did you see the size of those air beasts?"

Fandral and Hogun looked at him disapprovingly, the former giving him the silent queue to stop talking. Volstagg looked from them to you, eyes widening slightly.

"Uh, but no, that was difficult for everyone. Hard day, very hard," he tried saying seriously.

Thankfully, his attempts just made you laugh.

"You'll have to excuse our friend," Fandral chuckled, "He's been in so many battles he tends to forget they're not games."

"It's fine, I'd be the same if I was as experienced. You don't have to baby it down for me, Volstagg, I'll get over the shock of it all."

"It can be daunting," he nodded, "I remember my first big battle---"

Volstagg distracted you with his very animated tale of battle, and you found yourself feeling better by the time you entered the palace. The people had cheered for their first round of returned heroes, bowing out of respect for their king and the injured prince.