Facing Your Sins (Daniel Dickens) |Satsuriku no Tenshi|

Chapters 1-4

  He dry heaved over the toilet, certain if nothing else came up he would bring his own self-hatred to the surface.
When he finally stood he leaned against the wall, his arms crossed protectively over his midsection. It took everything he had to stay upright and not collapse again.

  In the mirror above the sink, he was met with a sight he hadn't seen in decades. His normally pale face was blotchy and red from crying; eyes rimmed with tears and hair disheveled from running his hands through it.

  A shaky sigh left his lips. "I don't know how long I can go like this."
His eyes were wide and staring in shock. His hands were clenched, his fingernails cutting crescent shapes into his palm. It had been a long time since he'd let himself become vulnerable enough to have another nightmare about his past..

  He took one shaky breath and closed his eyes.

  The image was burned into his memory. He couldn't forget. Not even when he tried.
 
  "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It was all my fault, I ruined everything Mama.."

  His eyes were sunken in and puffy from exhaustion; but worst of all, he was shaking, physically shaking. He couldn't let anyone see him like this: weak, small.. helpless. He was open to any attack, broken as he was.  Tears rolled down his cheeks as his trembling fingers attempted to scrub off the puffiness of his face.
How pathetic, sobbing like a child  over nightmares caused by someone who wasn't there anymore. Who wasn't even there to begin with.

  He didn't deserve to cry over someone he hardly remembered. Someone who was barely more than a figment of his imagination.
Yet, here he was, convincing himself that she was still here, still hating him. That maybe one day he would wake up and find that she was actually holding his hand, that she had forgiven him for being a failure and would be singing him a lullaby like all the other kids got.

  Or better yet, that he was never a failure at all. His parents would still be together. they'd be happy. She never would have died.. never, if not for him. It was all his fault. He was the problem; but that was a mistake 36 years too late. Now he was just the adult embodiment of his fears and weaknesses.
Danny found out the hard way that there was no such thing as forgiveness in such a cruel world.

Chapter 3
   Finally finding the strength to collect himself, Danny got dressed and ready for work. He agreed last-minute to working a long shift; he was glad for the distraction. Sure, the distraction came in the form of patients who bat and hit at him and his nurses, but he found that easier to deal with than his own mind.
He worked his usual morning shift, then stopped in the "lunch break" they had at 7 for the night-shift workers to get a coffee to calm his nerves.

   After he'd finished his drink, he decided to leave. The streets were quiet this early and he had a full schedule to fill up the rest of his day. After he got a cup of hot, caffeinated tea in hand he felt confident enough to put on his usual chatty air, playing off his abnormal silence as morning grumpiness to those who asked.
He was well-respected in the hospital, and was regarded as one of the kindest psychiatrists in the area by many of his patients.
He hummed, singing a simple classical piece to himself while he walked around the 4th floor.

  He stopped in front of his office, taking his green plastic cup from his mouth. His eyebrows furrowed in concern. His door was ajar. It should have been locked, he always locked it before leaving.
...Unless..was he deceiving himself? He was of course off of his game today, but when was the last time he'd made a mistake like this?

"Who's in here?" He called.
 
   To his shock, footsteps met his ears although he received no true reply.

  He swung the door the rest of the way open with a bang.
"HEY--- WHO'S IN--- Oh. It's just you." An older woman in a medical gown looked up at him with shock, dropping the papers she was collecting off of his desk.