The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996)

4. Topsy Turvy

Phoebus: (enthusiastically) Yes, sir!

(She continues to dance. She pulls out a handkerchief and wraps it around Frollo's head playfully, using it to pull him closer. She moves in to kiss him, but jumps away at the last moment. Frollo yanks the handkerchief off his head.)

Clopin: And now, ladies and gentlemen, the piece de resistance!

HERE IT IS, THE MOMENT YOU'VE BEEN WAITING FOR!
HERE IT IS, YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S IN STORE!
NOW'S THE TIME WE LAUGH UNTIL OUR SIDES GET SORE!
NOW'S THE TIME WE CROWN THE KING OF FOOLS!

You all remember last year's king!?!

(Last year's king, carried on the shoulders of the crowd, belches loudly)

Clopin: SO MAKE A FACE THAT'S HORRIBLE AND FRIGHTENING
MAKE A FACE AS GRUESOME AS A GARGOYLE'S WING

(Hugo is watching from far above)

Hugo: Hey!

Clopin: FOR THE FACE THAT'S UGLIEST WILL BE THE KING OF FOOLS! WHY?

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Clopin: UGLY FOLKS, FORGET YOUR SHYNESS!

Crowd: TOPSY TURVY!

Clopin: YOU COULD SOON BE CALLED YOUR HIGHNESS!

Crowd: PUT YOUR FOULEST FEATURES ON DISPLAY
BE THE KING OF TOPSY TURVY DAY!

(Clopin has been pulling contestants onto the stage. Esmeralda pulls Quasimodo to the stage. Esmeralda works her way down the line, ripping off masks and revealing the ugly faces underneath. The festivities continue until Esmeralda reaches Quasi. She tries to pull Quasi's mask off, but soon realizes that it's not a mask.)

Man 1: That's no mask!

Woman 1: It's his face!

Woman 2: He's hideous!

Man 2: It's the bell ringer from Notre Dame!

(Quasi, realizing that people are disgusted by him, is devastated. Frollo realizes that the only man left standing on stage is Quasimodo. Clopin, trying to keep things festive, jumps in.)

Clopin: Ladies and gentlemen, don't panic. We asked for the ugliest face in Paris, and here he is! Quasimodo, the hunchback of Notre Dame!

(Upon hearing Clopin, the crowd once again grows festive, and Clopin crowns Quasimodo the King of Fools.)

Crowd: ONCE A YEAR, WE THROW A PARTY HERE IN TOWN

Clopin: HAIL TO THE KING!

Crowd: ONCE A YEAR, WE TURN ALL PARIS UPSIDE DOWN

Clopin: OH WHAT A KING!

Crowd: ONCE A YEAR THE UGLIEST WILL WEAR A CROWN

Clopin: GIRLS, GIVE A KISS

Crowd: ONCE A YEAR ON TOPSY TURVY DAY

Clopin: WE'VE NEVER HAD A KING LIKE THIS

All: AND IT'S THE DAY WE DO THE THINGS THAT WE DEPLORE
ON THE OTHER THREE-HUNDRED-AND-SIXTY-FOUR
ONCE A YEAR WE LOVE TO DROP IN
WHERE THE BEER IS NEVER STOPPIN'
FOR THE CHANCE TO POP SOME POPINJAY
AND PICK A KING WHO'LL PUT THE TOP
IN TOPSY...TURVY...DAY (TOPSY TURVY)
(MAD AND CRAZY, UPSY-DAISY TOPSY TURVY DAY!)

(From above, the Gargoyles whoop and cheer, while down on the ground, the crowd chants "Quas-i-mod-o!" To the side, Guards 1 and 2 are watching.)

Guard 2: You think he's ugly now? Watch this!

(He throws a tomato at Quasi, hitting him square in the face. The crowd quickly goes quiet.)

Guard 2: Now that's ugly!

Guard 3: (Mockingly) Hail to the king!

(He throws another tomato. Soon, Quasi is being pelted with produce of all kinds. Shouts come from all directions. Quasi is soon lassoed and tied down on a rotating platform. He is spun around, as onlookers continue their torment. He sees Frollo watching and shouts for help.)

Quasimodo: Master! Master, please! Help me!

(Phoebus has seen enough.)

Phoebus: Sir, request permission to stop this cruelty.

Frollo: In just a moment, Captain. A lesson needs to be learned here.

(As soon as he's said this, the crowd gasps and goes silent. Phoebus and Frollo look up to the stage and see Esmeralda ascending the steps.)

Esmeralda: Don't be afraid. I'm sorry. This wasn't supposed to happen.

(She kneels next to Quasimodo.)

Frollo: You! Gypsy girl! Get down at once!

Esmeralda: Yes, your honor. Just as soon as I free this poor creature.

Frollo: I forbid it!

(She whips out a knife and cuts the ropes holding Quasi.)

Frollo: (pointing to Esmeralda) How dare you defy me!

Esmeralda: You mistreat this poor boy the same way you mistreat my people. You speak of justice, yet you are cruel to those most in need of your help.

Frollo: Silence!

Esmeralda: (angry, raising her arm and fist) Justice!

Frollo: Mark my words, gypsy. You will pay for this insolence.

Esmeralda: Then it appears we've crowned the wrong fool. The only fool I see is you!

Frollo: Captain Phoebus! Arrest her.

(Phoebus motions for his guards to move in and arrest Esmeralda. They surround the stage.)

Esmeralda: Now, let's see. (Counting the guards) One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten of you, and one of me. What's a poor girl to do?

(She begins to cry, then disappears in an explosion of smoke.)

Frollo: Witchcraft!

(From another location)

Esmeralda: Oh, boys! Over here!

(She leads the guards on a wild chase. At one point, she knocks a large cage containing an old prisoner to the ground. It goes rolling away, until it comes to a stop and the lock breaks open. He steps out.)

: I'm free, I'm free! (He trips and falls into the stockade, which closes and locks.) Dang it.

(Meanwhile, Esmeralda continues to evade the guards. At one point, she and Djali jump on top of the crowd, which carries them away to safety. Two guards attempt the same move, and the crowd quickly moves away. She grabs a helmet from one of the guards, and throws it like a frisbee. It hits three guards and knocks them out, before almost chopping Phoebus' head off.)

Phoebus: What a woman!

(Two guards on horseback are chasing Esmeralda. As she leaps over Frollo's stand, someone throws the guards a staff. Each holding onto an end, the horizontal staff slices through Frollo's stand, sending him diving for cover. Esmeralda ascends to the top of a stand, then promptly disappears.)

Frollo: (To Phoebus) Find her, Captain! I want her alive!

Phoebus: Yes, sir. Seal off the area, men. Find the gypsy girl, and do not harm her!

(Frollo has ridden over to Quasimodo. He hangs his head low.)

Quasimodo: I'm sorry, master. I will never disobey you again.

(He moves to the entrance to the cathedral as the rain begins to fall. He goes in, then slowly closes the door to his freedom.)