heaven

1

Seven months earlier

Most people don't appreciate their life. They focus on what they don't have, instead of just accepting their reality and being happy. They force themselves to do things they don't want to do, because 'everyone has to do that'. They think of a good life as some money, both parents, good school and a house. They live their life colorlessly.

But what is the value of living when you don't feel alive?

monday, 13 jan 2018

05:27 PM

- You can not be going there anymore. –

- Mom?! Why the fuck wouldn't you let me live the way I want to! I'm happy around them! Don't you get it?! –

- They are bad people. And don't yell at me! I did everything to give you a safe home, and you still choose to go to those pieces of shit! –

- You're calling them pieces of shit? Did you forget who just looked and didn't even say anything when your fucking husband was beating the shit out of me?! –

- Give me your phone Danica! –

- You were supposed to protect me! –

- I'm not going to repeat myself! Give me your phone or pack your bags and your leaving! –

- Fuck you! –

I gave her the phone though.

A week later

sunday, 19 jan 2018

08:42 PM

Lana Del Rey - Brooklyn Baby

They say I'm too young to love you
I don't know what I need
They think I don't understand
The freedom land of the seventies
I think I'm too cool to know ya
You say I'm like the ice, I freeze
I'm churnin' out novels like
Beat poetry on Amphetamines

I was walking down the street, listening to Lana. Life felt like a bitch that day.

They say I'm too young to love you
They say I'm too dumb to see
They judge me like a picture book
By the colors, like they forgot to read
I think we're like fire and water
I think we're like the wind and sea
You're burnin' up, I'm coolin' down
You're up, I'm down
You're blind, I see

I was watching birds, they were so beautiful.

But I'm free, yeah.

I finally saw the bridge.

Oh, oohh.

I looked at my reflection in water, not feeling anything at all.

I'm free-

I felt someone taking headphones off my head, shit.

- Wanna jump together? –

Was he following me again? Fucking bitch.

- Fuck you. –

- Ow, right here? You got some public sex thing? –

- Give me my fucking headphones back and just fuck off! –

- Calm down sunshine –

I ignored him and started to walk away. I didn't have any interest in a talk with anyone.

- Baby, are you okay? –

I heard him walking behind me.

I didn't respond.

- Hey, come on, you can talk to me. –

He grabbed my arm softly, stopping me.

I looked at the ground. Why is he always around at the right time?

monday, 20 jan 2018

03:07 AM

I'm high.