The time when I fell in love with a knife.
Of course, I didn't realize it was an actual knife. I was delusional.
It once happened to be my bestest of friends. The one who understood me and my weaknesses by protecting me from the potential danger everywhere I go. Driving away the foes of mine. I liked it for more than a single reason. Some of which were not even known by me.
I thought if something could do that much for me, to go that far, and care so much, it must really love me a lot. So, I decided to take it to the next stage. I started falling in love back. I reciprocated. A genuine feeling which I had never felt before. It was beautiful. But was it a mistake? Prolly not. It's understandable to fall in love with someone who understands you but that's where I was mistaken.
I started getting close to the knife and brought knife closer to me. For a while, it was ok. And then it begins. The hurt.
The hurt of of getting cut by knife. The continuous never stopping stabbing. Day after day. Night after night. STAB STAB STAB. Mind-numbing pain. Sometimes in chest and other times in head.
Of course, I was so stupid. Another miscalculation on my part. The knife's job is to hurt and to kill. It's the only propose it have. That's what it seeks. If it wasn't for hurt, there was no other use of the knife. Even if it wanted to stop, it couldn't. It was what it was. A hurting tool.
I thought the knife was protecting me by attacking my enemies. Stupid! I was so foolish! It's so obvious, of course, it wasn't protecting me but attacking anything which got closer to it. That's what knife do. It's a sufferer which makes other suffer with it.
So once I realized that, I had to told the bloody knife. I didn't like telling it. I had to say it. I dont want to push the knife away. I have no choice. I must do it. I don't like it! I don't like it! I don't want to! I don't wanna push the knife away! It's my only friend! I can bear the pain! I can bear it for the eternity! I got this!
No, you don't. You are an idiot. So. I did what must be done. I told the bloody knife.: "Hey knife! It's enough! I was so naïve! It wasn't nice! I'm on my knees! no more pain! no more hurt! You must stop! We must stop! Stop it you!". There was silence. It was unexpected for the bloody knife for it had never expected it but it was a surprise for me too. The bloody knife backed down.
How unfortunate! It was sad. I was sad. But it is what it is. It's not! We both knew the truth. No, it's not! It will never work out and even though, an outcome like this wasn't really welcoming, it was incoming although I didn't had any income.
I don't like it. I will never like it. Never.
Now, I live with the scars and the wounds. The random surges of pain and sadness drowns me in the ocean of thoughts in the world known as my head. It's not like I'm gonna die. I will survive. Just have to bear the pain for now. And someday, someday, hopefully hopefully it will stop to exist I will stop to exist.
It was a knife and I am an idiot.
