Abby and Berenice

Berenice

Third of May.

I'm Berenice.

My best friend isn't a friend. Well, she is, but the word is not enough to me.

I'm... Having a crush ? I don't know, it must be the correct word.

I see her, and I feel so much, and it's hard, it hurts, the way she smiles, the way I want to kiss her, feel her near me, hear her heart beating, I wanna see her, touch her, I feel bad each time she leaves. Physically. Horrible feelings.

I already had several crushes, actually. I know it's that. But... She's my best friend!! I can't do that to her.

Wanting her.

Loving her.

I can't.

I mustn't.

She knows it's a risk, she accepted it. She's one of the only one who stayed with me. When I had this shitty idea to come-out as bi to all the group.

One of the boys asked "So, you can have a on everyone?".

I've been stupid. Absolutely stupid.

"Well, not everyone is my type, but I could, in fact."

They were scared. A lot thought I might develop a crush on them and went away so I wouldn't. It doesn't work that way, do they know? It's not cause you're away and a stranger that I can't develop a crush.

It's often the opposite actually.

It was six years ago, it still hurts sometimes, even if I have new friends, now. Better friends.

Abby, first. My best friend (and current crush), we're friends since we're five or six, so for ten years. We share everything, or almost, cause we all need some private space where no-one will go.

Elle, second. One of the old group, the most talented artist I've ever seen. And polymath, she sings, paints, plays the piano and the guitar, sculpts, writes. We nicknamed her the genius.

Matt, third. The funniest and kindest guy on this planet, fighting life with jokes. Warrior. We met in tenth grade and immediately became friends. I think I crushed at a time, but it went away quickly.

And Nath. Our non-binary lil heart. Fluffy, weird, broken deep inside since they came out to their parents who rejected them. They live by Matt now. Trying to figure out why they're on Earth.

Everyone knows about me. My friends will help me.

But I can't tell Abby. Definitely not.