FIXATION

TWENTY-ONE

Her hands smoothed the lines of his shirt and she noticed the way his shoulders relaxed under her touch. He kissed her lips with more urgency as the minutes ticked by, hands going over her hoodie then down to her sweatpants to tightly grip at the fabric so her hips could press into his. She hummed when his tongue slipped into her mouth, drawing out deep sighs in the back of her throat. His breath breathed a cool breeze into her lungs that she inhaled eagerly. Steve had her exactly where he wanted; no distractions, no guards up, no strings. She was exactly where she wanted to be; floating further and further from her nightmares and easing into the heat that was beginning to build from deep within.

At some point he pulls away only for a moment so she hears him, "let's go to my room." His voice is barely over a whisper when he helps her off the counter and takes her hand before leading her up the stairs. She liked this. Him holding her hand, following his excited footsteps. As she walks, the oddest thought fills her head; how many girls had Steve done this exact thing with?

The question surprises the hell out of her, pulling her focus from what was a blissful distraction only moments ago. But when he shuts the door to his room it feels as though she can't think about anything else. "Why're you looking at me like that?" He asks, his hand pausing on her hip.

She wasn't sure what her face looked like, if it showed anger or sadness or some twisted mix. She opens her mouth to ask are you sleeping with other girls? But she shuts it just as quickly, remembering her second rule of the contract. We can hook up with other people. Her hand goes to rub above her eyebrow as if hoping to push away the confusing thoughts. "I just.. didn't realize how hard this was for you."

He looks between the two's hips, "I wouldn't necessarily say it's hard for me right now, but give me a few minutes and"–

She hears herself laugh lightly before pulling her neck away from his lips. "No, not that.. I just meant, coping with everything that happened." Her eyes look at his and she sees what fear he had been trying to hide only moments ago. She sees him laugh it off, but her hand tugs his shirt to keep him from blowing off his feelings again, "we can talk about it.. if you want."

His jaw tightens while his eyes stay out of her reach, looking into the inky night sky. Then he sighs and she's surprised to feel him holding her, really holding her. His arms keep her tight against his chest and he takes a deep breath in hopes of controlling the flow of air. "You have no idea.. no idea how terrified I felt when I saw Dart hovering over you like that. And then after Bob..," she feels his hands shake on her back and when she goes to rub his back she sees flashes of Bob, yelling over the group of what looked like other Darts tearing him apart. Rosalie gasps and in that moment where Steve's walls are down it's as if she's frozen.

Then his eyes raise to hers and she sees tears in his eyes. All it takes is one tear to spill from his eyes and she's moving again. Hands going to his cheeks to wipe away the sadness, then arms holding him as he sits on the edge of his bad, the walls he spent building for the past few weeks - the walls that made him seem like he was handling everything - came crashing down. She listened to him as he voiced his fears and worries, arm stroking his shoulder and nodding along. At times she agreed with him, telling her her worst fears - the feeling of defeat she momentarily felt when he hadn't emerged sooner from the hole.

She's focuses on listening and while she holds Steve in her arms or her hand rubbing his shoulders she pushes the thoughts away. Some thoughts she feels the weight of, other thoughts are so depressing she too cries. And yet through it all she's grateful that she called Steve. Not for the physical aspect, or not only for the physical aspect but for the emotional sense as well. The longer they talk and the more she listens her chest feels lighter. Anxiety and fear that held her from sleeping only hours ago began to fade. Knowing that she wasn't the only one with fears of the unknown and inexplicable images of a different world were beyond comforting. And nothing in the past few weeks had brought her more comfort than being there for Steve when he needed her most.