It All Started with a Beanie

(36)

I miss her mom. She actually had good comebacks.

I don't understand how Abby lets Maddie get the solos when she comes back after being gone for weeks.

Nia should be given more contemporary solos; she's good at those.

Mom knocks softly on my door before opening it and peeking her head through.

"Hey, sweetie. You doing okay in here? You haven't came out in a while." She stands in my doorway. I take notice of the outfit she's wearing. The purple-colored scrubs fit her body nicely and the color compliments her hair.

"I just haven't got the motivation to get up yet. Are you going somewhere?" 

She bobs her head lightly, a sad look in her eyes. "I just got called in. There's an emergency happening at one of the houses that I work at. I shouldn't be gone for the rest of the day but I don't quite know how long it will take." I nod but I can see the confliction growing on her face. "If you need anything, and I mean anything, call me." I nod once again and she walks over to me, wrapping me in a hug. I hug her back and fight the tears that are wanting to surface. She pulls away and places a kiss on my head before leaving my room.

I turn over onto my back and face the ceiling. I stare at the void of white and wait until I hear the closing of the front door before I get up. I walk into the bathroom and splash some water on my face. When I open my eyes, I'm momentarily stunned by what I see; I barely recognize myself. My skin is more pale than ever, my eyes have the darkest circles under them. 

You could audition for The Walking Dead, no makeup required.

I know I look bad but geez.

I release a sigh before brushing my hair. I find a thick beanie to wear and walk to the kitchen. I grab a muffin and drink a glass of water before grabbing my keys and leaving the house.

Neil

She wasn't at school all day. I sent her a couple texts but she never responded. The group said they didn't know where she was so that didn't help my nerves at all. 

It had only been 24 hours since she found me at the spot. I thought we were good. I was even going to ask her on a date today. 

"Did anything happen while you two were alone?" Liv asks me. Since when is she interested in romantic stuff?

"We talked and then kissed before we left." I say casually.

"Another kiss?" Liv smirks and sends a suggestive look my way.

"You guys have kissed? More than once?" Ollie questions. I guess Beanie and I haven't exactly kept the entire group up-to-date with the romantic things between us. "When were you guys going to tell us?"

"Well her and I need to figure out what we are. I want to be more than friends; I was going to ask her on a date after school but she's not here. Has anyone heard from her?" Worry is evident in my voice and my friends pick up on that. Sadly, they all shake their heads. "I'll stop by her house after school and make sure she's okay."

And that's what I did. As I drove down her street, I was figuring out what to say to her.

Hey Beanie, would you want to grab muffins with me sometime?

Hey Erin, would you maybe want to go on a date with me? As more than friends?

Do you want to make go out for lunch sometime?

Between every thought, I almost missed Beanie's car as she passed me on the street. She didn't notice me, her eyes glued onto the road. I make a quick U-turn on the bare road and discreetly follow behind her.

She drives for about thirty minutes on roads with few cars passing before pulling into a small driveway. I continue driving down the main road a few more feet before turning around and following her down the road. I see her car parked in the parking lot as she walks between the graves. I park next to her car and sit in my car for a minute, still trying to not be noticed.

Dude, you do realize you're stalking her right now?

And? It's not like she hasn't stalked me before. Remember that one time she parked across the street and acted like she wasn't in the car? 

Still. She probably wants to be alone right now. You don't just go to a cemetery for fun. 

Some people do.

Okay, well, she probably doesn't. 

I stop my internal arguing and decide to get out the car. I carefully close my door and lock my car before making slow steps toward her. She sits at a grave about a hundred feet away. I can see her small body perfectly from where I am but she still doesn't notice me. She sits on her knees with her hands sitting in front of her. She fiddles with her fingers and I smile at the small action she always does.

My eyes widen slightly as she takes the beanie off her head. I'm now with listening range and I can't stop myself from eavesdropping on her one-sided conversation.

"Dad, I miss you so much but I miss the old you. The you before alcohol entered our family. The you before the threats and fear you placed in us." She doesn't wipe her tears as they stream down her face. 

I've stopped just a few feet away from her, just outside her peripheral vision. I hate to listen in on her words but I find myself unable to open my mouth and make my presence known.

"I have nightmares because of you. I fear sleeping because of you. I wake up screaming because of the trauma you left with me. You blamed me for your life being ruined but you ruined mine. I live in fear everyday that I will hit my head and die. I should be able to live carelessly. You tried to kill me before you killed yourself. But you failed. And now, I'm stuck with a bullet in my skull and you're sleeping peacefully in your grave."

What. The. Fuck.