10 Things: A Cody Simpson Fan Fiction

Seventeen

          “You are, Alli, but I just―” I didn’t have time to continue my statement, because someone else had answered for me.

          “Merinda has cancer, Alli.”

          There was a loud gasp that wasn’t of any help at all. Everything was too abrupt for me to catch.

          This couldn’t be.

          My eyes slowly widened in shock, as a mixture of fear and guilt began sipping through my veins in the slowest, yet quickest way possible. My gaze moved from Alli, to the person standing by the door, before falling to the ground. I didn’t know what to do, anymore. I was as ashamed as could be.

          The second person to know. The second person to hurt in a week. The second person to never forgive me like the first person. Why me? I just don’t get it―I probably never will, either.

          “How could you hide this from me?” Alli said, her voice practically inaudible. She was evidently still in a state of shock. Not that I would blame her. Everyone would be surprised that I have cancerous cells in my body. Though, with the exception of me. Times like these made me feel like I deserved to have cancer because of how one’s perspective of me could change the entire of mine.

          “Alli, you’re not the only one,” Cody quietly said right after, making me feel―an infinite number―as guilty as I was before. He just had to point out what I already knew, hadn’t he? If only he knew how much this pained me, if, only.

          “Know what?” Alli said, forcing her head up to look up at the ceiling. “You guys are going to talk shit out. I don’t care, things need to be cleared. If it’s unclear, none of you are to leave this room. If you do, I’m never going to speak to anyone of you ever again.” And before I knew it, she had left the room, leaving me all alone with Cody.

          She was crying, and it was my entire fault. See what I meant? When I try to make up white lies, Cody would constantly come up from nowhere and ruin it by telling the dark lies. I hated it more than I’ve ever hated anything in my life.

          That was the truth.

          And the guilt on my chest was surfacing once again.

          I kept my head down as the quietest shiftings were heard, caused by Cody, as I’d observed at the corners of my eyes, who walked all the way towards the chair by the side, and plopped down on it with a small sigh. I entwined my fingers together and fiddled with them nervously―his presence around me made me nervous.

          And again, shameful, regretful, and fearful, and guilty.

          There was a moment of awkward silence. No one spoke, not me nor him, and this time, there was no one to break our silence.

          My stomach was beginning to grumble due to starvation that was washing over me, but I used everything I had that was left in me to push it away because it couldn’t ring right now. I didn’t want Cody to know about anything I did to myself.

          No, I didn’t cut myself. That’s just… no.

          I pulled my lips into a straight line and tried my hardest to ignore the strong feeling of a pair of eyes that was boring through me. Trust me, it wasn’t another easy task. Especially after all that’s happened, I didn’t even think Cody would even want to bother to take a second glance at me. Un-sarcastically saying, I felt a little relieved to know that we weren’t on the worst term, where he’d just avoid my being and contain himself from looking at me.