𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙮..𝙙.𝙢

fifty.

I don't forget. It's rolling in my head on repeat. Attacking me from the inside. I try and try to forget.. Even for just a moment. But I cant. I don't think i ever will forget. But i'll learn to deal with it. Push past it like i have with everything else. Because i have to. The war is coming. There's no stopping it. But i can't help the fear that wraps around my heart and buries itself in my bones. The war is here. And i can't think about what happened in that kitchen. Can't think about anything else but focusing. And so I return to familiar habits instead.

Iv paced the entirety of this room 243 times in the 7,200 seconds that Draco has been gone. Numbers are an old friend. One that greets me with a smile. A familiar face in the darkness that holds my hand. It allows me to focus on one thing. Allows me to ground myself. I appreciate them. Welcome the old friend with open arms.

I can hear them downstairs. And i'm itching itching itching to be with Draco right now to make sure he's okay. It takes everything in me not to just walk down there despite him telling me to stay upstairs. Despite the danger that lurks just down stairs. My hand moves to where my wand is tucked perfectly in the waist band of my jeans. Making sure it's still there. That it hasn't moved from the spot i last put it. But i check it anyways.

And so I pace. And I count. And I try to focus on something else other then throwing the door open and going to Draco. It takes every inch of my self control. Everything in me not to. Everything in me to stay put and do what he's asked me to.

It's been 10,800 seconds and 423 paces later and Draco finally comes back. I stop counting. Stop pacing. I look at him. He's dressed in all black robes, His deatheater robes. He stops in the doorway frozen. Realization flashing in his eyes. Id never seen him in them before. It's a shock for a moment to see someone so loving. Someone who loves so gently wear something that represents death and so much more.

He looks down ashamed. I walk up to him and wrap my arms around his neck. Pulling him into me. He dosent hesitate to wrap his arms tightly around me. Buries his head in my neck. And i contemplate never letting him go. Contemplate grabbing the wand iv checked 43 times since i put it there and apperating us out and away from this disaster just waiting to happen.

He pulls back grabs my hand. Holds it tightly like i might just float away. "It's time to go" He says quietly. His eyes tell a million different stories. It seems impossible to be able to decipher them all with the blankness on his face. But he shows me. Only me. He's looking at me with so many emotions that i'm at a loss for words. Letters are falling out of my pockets and i can't seem to put them all together. So I don't. I lean up and kiss him with everything in me. Hoping he'll be able to understand what i can't put into words.

And he's kissing me back with the same intensity. Drowning in urgency like he can't take his time anymore. Like there's so much he still wants to feel and there isn't enough time to. Like a hundred years still wouldn't be enough. He's pouring his heart and soul into this one kiss because this might very well be our last one. Our last few moments together.

He pulls away and i have to clench my hands into fists that dig my nails into my palm so hard i can feel the blood dripping down my hands. It's been 1,2,3 seconds and he's pulling me down the stairs onto the throng of people dressed in all black.

And i realize that this is it. This horrible tragedy is about to take place and there nothing i can do to stop it. No way to convince these people to stop what's about to happen. Because as i look at there faces all i see is joy.

Joy and smiles and anticipation over what is about to happen. What is about to transpire in just a few moments. And all of a sudden i feel sick, Nausea is rolling through me like a freight train and i have to squeeze Dracos hand to keep from falling over.

I look up at him and his face is carefully blank. Showing no emotion. Every move he makes is calculated. A reason for every shift his body makes. I look into his eyes and see nothing. No emotion is displayed on his face. I blink blink blink my eyes to keep tears from forming. I count. And try to bottle up the seconds. Shove the seconds into my pockets and try to freeze time. Because this is wrong. This is all so so wrong.

My heart beats strong in my chest. 1,2,3 beats and a skip and 2,4,6 blinks and 8,9,10 breathes and tick tick tick the seconds are flying by with no sign of slowing down.

One squeeze of a hand and my heart beat slows into a steady beat. My eyes focus and my breathing evens out. I close my eyes and push the fear away. Push everything back into the recesses of my mind until the only thing left is a calm.

I steel myself and prepare myself for war.