You were pacing the floor, back and forth right there in front of your bed, trying desperately not to wake up Perrie, but you couldn't breathe.
It was nearly 2am, and you couldn't sleep. Your mind was racing from the words that had never came. The response you waited endlessly for. Your heart was full of hope, that maybe, just maybe you could fix what you had broken but the blank screen of your phone seemed to continuously prove you wrong.
You sighed and ran your fingers through your tangled hair, violently pulling at the knots every time your fingers got stuck. You couldn't help it. Maybe this was your way of punishing yourself for messing up yet another good thing in your life. God knows, it wouldn't have been the first time you would do so and definitely not the last.
Perrie had advised you against it. She knew what reaching out to your old friends would do to you, but you refused to listen. And now as the tears pooled in your eyes, you were beginning to realize just how right Perrie had been.
You tried to keep your sobs quiet, but with your endless exhaustion, you couldn't help yourself. You crumpled to the floor in a fit of gut wrenching sobs.
It all happened in seconds, Perrie's worried call, then her arms wrapping around your waist as she pulled you into her, gently threading her fingers through your hair and whispering soft condolences in your ear. You couldn't stop yourself from sobbing into her chest and hoping that she too wouldn't pull away, but Perrie only pulled you closer and held you a little tighter.
"Shhh, shhh," She whispered into the darkness that surrounded the two of you. "It's gonna be alright. Ya're gonna be alright. Shhhh." She soothed, placing gentle kisses upon your hair and gently rubbing her fingers up and down your back.
It was only after you settled down a little, when she pulled back from your grasp ever so slightly and lifted your chin so that your eyes could meet hers, that she asked the question that had been running through her mind all night. "What's goin' on up here?" She asked, poking your temple gently with her index finger before placing a soft kiss upon your forehead.
You shook your head and sighed. "I'm scared." You admitted. "I'm scared Perrie. I'm so fucking scared."
Perrie frowned and tucked a few loose strands of your hair behind your ear before placing another kiss on your forehead. "Of what baby? What're ya afraid of?"
"What if I never find what I had with them ever again?" You breathed. "What if I never find that sense of home and family ever again? I destroyed it Perrie! What if I never find it again? What if I destroyed one of the only good things I ever had? Perrie, what if I destroyed my life?" You cried, resting your head against Perrie's chest as the tears began to fall once again.
Perrie only pulled you closer to her and tried not to shed tears of her own. Instead she whispered. "Ya don't just have one family B. Blood or not, ya don't just have one. Ya have me, ya have the girls. Ya didn't mess up, and ya didn't destroy anythin'. Ya found us, ya'll find a family again. And until then ya have me. Ya'll always have me."
You couldn't help but smile into Perrie's chest as you placed a gentle kiss upon her collar bone with a watery laugh. "I love you." You whispered.
You could feel Perrie smile against your hair as she whispered those three special words back to you and moved to get up before outstretching her hand to you. You gladly accepted and allowed Perrie to pull you to your feet and over to the bed where you both slid under the covers.
And just like she always did, Perrie opened her arms to you, inviting you into her warm embrace. You wasted no time in crawling over and wrapping your arms around her waist before nuzzling your face into her chest with a sigh. And before you knew it, you were fast asleep in the comfort of Perrie's arms.
And the next morning when you awoke to no new messages on your phone, you simply smiled sadly and reached over to press a gentle kiss to Perrie's lips. Because you had Perrie and that was all the family that you would ever need.
