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warning!! english is not my first language & my grammar is horrible so I'm so sorry please criticize me for any mistakes I make :) OKAY ENJOY

Ricky . . .

I've somewhat been the "weird kid" growing up. I still am but I don't know what's too weird about me. is it my glasses? the way I dress? how I look? or is it something else? I have always and I mean always been a loner, even at hard home but I manage to be alone the times I can.

i have very religious parents so when they found out 5 year old me told another boy that I liked him and kissed him on the cheek. they were horrified, they beat me badly. made me go to church every single day until I was ten and they thought they got "sense" into me and stopped doing it. but little did they know their faggot son still liked men.

I have 5 siblings. holly is 1 year old, Sarah is 4 years old, Brandon is 6 years old, Maxine is years 11 old, and steve is 17 years old. I'm 16, it's kinda hard to have a quiet, peaceful, nice moment when you have 2 toddlers & 2 kids fighting. I & steve are the only ones that actually take care of the kids. my mother left when I was younger and my dad is totally drunken, he used to hit me when my mom left. said that I was the reason she left, but he barely does it now.

anyways about the whole 5-year-old thing that happened, after middle school my high school soon found out that I was gay which I'm not sure how they found out. I literally told nobody, I've been bullied pretty badly getting beat up, getting called slurs, and public humiliation. probably the worst experience I've ever had.

I go to Kenton high school probably the most shittiest school in our whole city. at least once a week someone gets into a fight, and I'm not talking about those play-fighting fights I mean full-on fighting. I absolutely despise school, its basically hell on earth the only thing good about it is the hot guys which I can't even talk to because I'm gay and would just be called a faggot and other homophobic slurs. at this point I'm used to the words "fag" and "faggot" I don't really take them to heart anymore.

There's this one kid that has been staring at me, it's very creepy... I think his name is Noah? he seems like the one to call me a fag so I'm just waiting for him to come up to me and mess with me. but he also seems sweet and kind so I'm not really sure at this point.

Noah . . .

he looked at me. ricky simons looked at me, no one knows that I have the biggest crush on him I mean my dog knows but he won't tell anybody. anyways back to Ricky looking at me! I've had the biggest crush on him since freshman year. I saw him get bullied badly at the start of the first year I wished I would've done something but I was too much of a wimp, i think i know how to get closer to him. his brother is dating my sister so i can just tell her to invite them to dinner!

"hey jane" i say as i walk up to my sister "hm?" she said "has mom and dad met youre boyfriend yet?" "no.. and why do you care? she asked "oh um.. no reason just wondering" i say with a soft chuckle "well i mean i can invite him to dinner i guess.." she says in a a lower voice. "okay! um can you ask his brother if he wants to come?" i say while fidgeting with my hands, as if it wasent obvious that i liked him. "you mean the gay one?" she asks as she closes her locker door "um.. yeah ricky" "i can see though im not sure why he's important." she says as she walks away.

ricky . . .

i normally dont have lunch and go outside and smoke a cigarette. i go to my normal smoking spot and lit a cigarette. i hate school so much but the best part is lunch, i get to relax and read my books and not have to worry about anything.. well most of the time i get bothered by a lot of people when i sit here but hopefully this will be he day where i can just relax. yeah no today is not the day because my brother walked up to my spot and sat down.

"what do you want?" i ask as i place my book down. he reaches over to grab my pack of cigarettes and grabs my lighter. "i wanted to ask you if you want to come to my girlfriends house with me." he puffs out the smoke "why would i want to do that?" "emotional support" "i'll think about it, now go" i shoo him away. finally peace and quiet

"RICKY YOU GOT 10 SECONDS BEFORE I LEAVE!" my brother yelled all the way from the bottom of the stairs "yeah yeah im coming" i whisper to myself "im coming!" i shout back at him. "you really couldn't find anything nicer? "calm down its a t shirt and some jeans" "okay we got 8 minutes lets go." my brother says in a rushed voice.

"so whats the real reason im in this car going to you're girlfriends house?" i ask "something about her brother wanting you to come? but i kinda need you for support to" he says "ahh alright." the car stopped at this 2 story house i couldn't tell what color it was "were here, okay act normal" my brother says after stepping out of the car. i scoff but dont say anything and walk with him. steve knocks on the door and waited for about a couple seconds until someone open the door "hello!" a red haired woman opened the door open "you must be steve and ricky!" she says with a smile on her face "please come in" we walked in and saw how pretty theyre place was. she takes us to the dining table were jane, noah & their dad.

i felt something moving next to my ankle, it was noah he put a note in my lap. "excuse me where is the bathroom?" i ask mrs wilson "go down the hall and turn to the left!" she said "thank you" i got up and walked. i open the bathroom door and shut it and locked it, i read the note " i know you might haven found me rubbing your ankle with my foot weird but i promise im not that weird. i've had the biggest crush on you since freshman year and i know you saw me when you were getting beat up and im so sorry i should've stood up to them and helped you i was just frozen in that moment and just left. if you want after dinner maybe meet me a mayland park?" i had no words. someone actually liked me? i mean do i want love now? im just in shock.

i left the bathroom to see steve ready to go "you alright? you look like you've seen a ghost" steve says as he puts on his jacket "huh? oh im fine" "thank you so much for coming boys, we really enjoyed having you!" mrs wilson says with a cheerful smile "thank you for having us" i look over to noah and mouth "i'll come" i nodded my head in case he didnt get the message. i could see a smile forming on his face, will he be the one? i mean probably not were still in high school and all high school relationships only last for about a year.