Win-win

1

"You call that a bonus?"

I shut the door close, not without first popping my head out to make sure the narrow corridor's empty. It is.

"The walls are thin, Mattias, and it's midnight." I whisper to him. He doesn't look the least repentant, rather his features remain in a deep scowl.

I huff out a sigh. "Your roommate isn't home, is he?"

"Why the hell," he seethes, lowering his gaze to meet mine. "would you think going to N.Y.U would be a bonus?"

"Why wouldn't I, alright? I'll not only be going far away from this god-forsaken town, but you'll also be able to have enough time with Dian. Don't you see? Without her having to feel insecure about our friendship and all."

"Oh please, don't bring her into this." He turns away from me, walking further into the dim-lit room that's crowded with wrongly positioned sofas. It's still neat enough for an apartment owned by boys. To me, that is.

I try different switches on the wall till the room lights up in fluorescent white, then I chase after him. Since it's an open floor plan, there isn't need to go through a door to see him by the sink adjacent the kitchen counter.

"Mattias?"

The muscles in his back tense at my voice, but of course he doesn't respond. It's hard not roll my eyes at his childishness. And I've never been a hard worker.

I hoist myself up on a stool round the counter. "If i'm going to N.Y.U, it's exactly because of her. Dian's never bought our ten-year friendship, for reasons best known to her."

"You're not doing this for her. That's a lie and you know it."

"That's the truth and you know it."

"Know what I think?" His basket of curls bounces softly as he turns to me. That should be adorable but his hardened features has my lips pressed and fingers drumming on the counter in apprehension for his next words. I've never seen him this mad since that one time I accidentally took most of the credit in the group project I never even showed up for. Short story of how we became friends.

"I think you're doing this for yourself." He finishes. "You've always wanted to leave. Alaska's always been too small for you."

"Yes, and you've always been in love with Dian. But guess what? She's always been unsure of our friendship. Now's the time to kill two birds with a stone. It's a win-win situation-"

"It's not a win-win situation, Moliehi. It's not." He breathes out a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose as he stares off to the side. When he moves his eyes to the floor, his words come out much quieter. "It can never be a win-win, because I love you."

"Mattias,"

"I can't- if i'm with Dian, it's to give myself more reasons not to love you. And I've lived with that, but if you leave this... this 'god-forsaken town', I don't know what I'm gonna do."

The stare we trade lasts too long. Too long that I hope i'm not giving him the impression that I love him too 'cause I made sure to kill those feelings every time he spoke about the hot blonde cheer-leader 'who's actually different from the rest'.

I made sure to kill those feelings every time he spoke about Dian and not me.

"I guess it's a goodnight then. I'm taking a Uber home."