♠~Lost in My Distant Mind~♠(SnK FF)

~{Letters to No One}~

*Ve'Nill misaki's p.o.v.*

Do you ever think about death? I do.

Where do we go when we die? Heaven? Hell? Do those things even exist? Don't get me wrong, I believe.

...But don't you have one of those times when you sit down and just... question everything? Even way of life?

I'm having one of those times when I just space out and let all my ideas roam free in my head, but it gets over whelming sometimes. Its over whelming because I have one idea then it escalates on to other ideas and different possibilities for those ideas and then boom you're questioning everything and anything.

I guess you could call me a 13 year old with a very broad imagination back then..

...But just for a second, don't you just think?

I miss those times where i could just lay on my back and think... that was a long time ago. I don't think now, I question. Call me paranoid if you want to, I don't care. Maybe I am.

I think... no, question... What is feeling? Why do we feel? Emotion wise of course. Is it possible to only be subjected to only one feeling and destroy all of the other emotions you have inside? I think it is, because I succeed in doing it.

Emotions... I had many emotions back then, but now I only have a few... and not the best one's.

You're probably just thinking that I'm crazy..eh..maybe I am.

All I want to know is "Who am I?"

I thought I had that question all figured out...Heh, guess not.

When I say I want to know who I am... it sounds kind of weird. Doesn't it? Well, what I meant was that I feel like there are more than one people inside of me. Call me crazy, cause I am.

Person one is the one I buried. Its me... well the old me that I can never go back to... I'm to far gone and it's took me up until now to realize it. Old me is the sane me, you know, the one that's not wavering on the edge of madness.

Person two. The paranoid me that doesn't trust anyone... the me... if I can even say that it is ' me' ... has gone, over the edge. I don't think I can ever go back... am I that damaged beyond repair?

The two 'me's' are often conflicting with each other... it drives me mad.

Who's inside of me?

Whomever is reading this.. please don't think I'm crazy. I know you do.

I'll save myself from the darkness... but I'm not confident about it.. the shadow keeps destroying the light that gives me hope. It won't be long before I'm completely engulfed in darkness... but before that happens.. I swear..

I swear..

I'll kill them all. I'll watch the beast until it dies and makes sure no signs of life linger.

I'll tear them to shreads...heh..you should see the way I'm all jittery while writing this. The corners of my lips are twitching up into a expression that seems like a smile but also a smirk with a load of crazy.

... I'm a mad man.

If i can't save myself... who will? What if I fail?

This has been the first letter to no one.