Introvert - Euphoria

Chapter 8: Formal

And Salts the Earth Behind You

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"So you taking that one chick to the formal?" Fez asked as I straightened myself up in the mirror hat was placed in the hallway.

"Nah, I'm solo tonight." I responded, grabbing my watch to put it on.

"I thought y'all was getting serious." I let out a low groan at that.

"I don't even know bro."

Mika and I were ok.

We've been talking pretty much since the beginning of the school year so that makes it damn near 5 months.

I could tell she wanted me to ask her to the winter formal and I truly was debating if I would ask her or not.

But I ultimately didn't.

I felt like that just made everything too official.

And honestly I was not feeling that right now.

I felt bad because I feel like I'm using her even though my intentions are truly pure. I just feel like we were on two different levels right now.

I enjoyed her company (not even talking about the sex, just in general), I loved her vibe and energy, her presence.

She was just an amazing person all around.

I just don't know if I'm the person for her.

She wanted more and I don't know if I ca give her that.

One: I haven't had a real girlfriend. Yeah I 'dated' Maddy but we were extremely young, we couldn't even drive. So I don't know how much that counts towards my experience in a relationship.

Two: I get annoyed quick as hell. Mika and I spend a good of time together now, it's not everyday though. We can go days without interacting.

But if we get into a relationship, she will most likely want to see me everyday and I'm not ready for that. I'm not ready for that cuddly all-up on me shit. That's not me.

Three: Monogamy is scary. Never once in my life have I been tied down to one person. My mind is always onto the next. I see girls like see weed...

And yes I compared weed and girls, it's two things that I love in my life.

But, I don't think one person can please me. It's impossible, I'm never satisfied, never truly connected, never emotionally attached.

So I just move on to the next.

Four: Lastly, tied in with the previous one. I just don't want to hurt Mika. I know myself and I know that I most likely can't commit. So why would I jump into something with her knowing it could hurt her.

She has truly been the best thing that has happened to me since moving back.

I never say this, because I rarely care about peoples feelings. But I wish Mika and I took things slower.