Honour Bound

41- Ill

Then came the storm of Jimin’s harsher words, realizing Taehyung actually, funnily enough, did the same for you too. Jimin was right, you were wrong and quite frankly, rude to assume everything Taehyung did was only fake and for the cameras. Especially once contemplating his personal disregard for publicity, and everything he’s done for you behind closed doors.

His overflowing consideration for you during your sexual activities, knowing what Kiseok did to you? His innate sense to protect you? Defend you? You never asked Taehyung to be your saviour, to be your knight and shining armour, and yet he happened to be just those things whenever you needed it most, all without overstepping or impeding.

And that sense of protection you’ve now realized, came from his own care for others, from Taehyung’s warm, kind character, his altruistic heart and soul, and so did many other things.

Calling you his princess? Holding you out on the balcony and telling you you deserve an entire universe? Calming you down whenever your emotions grew frantic? Staying up late and picking you up from a bar when you were near wasted? Letting you intoxicatingly cry on him for hours when you couldn’t bear any of your pain anymore?

Why did this all slip your mind before, and most importantly, how could you have so blatantly ignored how it all made you feel? How much you’d grown used to his attention and care while neglecting the way it brightened up all the darkest parts inside you?

How could you not see how important Taehyung was to your life?

Your life had in fact changed drastically ever since you met him, and you could no longer ignore the fuzziness you felt in your chest whenever he touched you, whenever you found his eyes already looking your way or simply listened to his comforting, low voice. The way your heart flutters every time he calls you endearingly by your pet names, every time you feel the warmth of his protective hands, treats you softly and gently, becomes teasing and suggestive until you’re craving to feel his sinful touch, to have him ruin you in ways you desired.

But the most prominent feeling of all, was how less lonely you felt with Taehyung, how you felt as though maybe your life didn’t have to be doomed to one of solitude, don’t have to pretend to put on a brave face and take on the world as though you’re invincible. He was by your side, and he’d proven countless times he would be there if you ever faltered.

That’s when the realization dawned on you as blatantly as possible.

I can’t live without Taehyung.

Even if you were afraid of falling in love after Kiseok, even if you felt as though you’re unworthy of love ever since your mother, it felt easy to feel so strongly for Taehyung you couldn’t even contain it within yourself anymore, to feel your heart smile at the very thought of him.

To feel like you were falling for him everyday, and couldn’t stop even if you tried.

Your world was then flipped upside down, so in shock at the abysmal storm in your mind you smacked your hands over your heated face, kicking at the couch in denial. You felt your chest bleed, fill with that one perfectly imperfect emotion you never thought possible with Taehyung before. 

Love.

You wanted to bonk yourself on the head, you can’t be feeling this way about Taehyung, right? You can’t have feelings for him. It’s impossible, absurd, not when your marriage is just a gigantic publicity stunt. Your marriage is fake, your feelings are fake, this entire thing is fake so you can’t feel something, right?

Right?

Just when you were going to scream into a pillow you suddenly heard the front door knob shuffling, instantly shooting up thinking the housekeepers were busying themselves odd places in the house.