Eternal

Eternal - Chapter 11

Laurent gets up and Larry takes a step back like he's about to run because fight or flight kicks in with a vengeance and Larry's not ready to have this conversation.

He's not.

He just had a freaking panic attack in a convenience store and then spent the past hour standing under the ice-cold shower spray, bawling his eyes out and he just wants to sleep and never get up again. He wants to wake up to a life where Laurent is healthy and where their biggest worry is how to arrange their appointments and trips so that they don't miss out on any family events. He wants to go back to fighting and dancing and not worrying about a thing because life is good and they're happy.

"Larry..."

Laurent takes another step forward and this time Larry doesn't move.

He takes another step and then a third one and suddenly his skinny arms are wrapped securely around Larry's back and shoulders until Larry knows how to breathe again.

"I can't lose you," Larry chokes out and he's got no place to hide anymore. Laurent knows every corner of his mind and heart anyway, because he owns all of it. Every single part of him. "I can't."

"Shh, Larry."

"I will die."

"Please stop."

"I will die," he repeats in a heartbroken whisper because he already feels like dying right now and if nothing else helps then maybe this will. It's not fair and he knows it's not but it's the only card he's got left to play and Larry knows if this doesn't kick Laurent's survival instinct into high gear then nothing else ever will. He digs his finger into Laurent's shoulder until he's sure it will leave bruises and he clenches his teeth so hard he thinks he'll break them. "If I lose you, I'll die. I'll die, Laurent, you can't, I don't—"

"Larry, please, it's gonna be okay," Laurent whispers, but Larry just shakes his head.

"It's NOT okay," Larry chokes and it's an ugly thing, the way his voice hitches, the way his legs are shaking like he's falling through a bottomless pit in the ground, like he'll never have halt again in this life. "It's never gonna be okay. I will NEVER be okay. B-because if you leave me— if y-you—" 

"Larry." Laurent pleads with him, holding his face in his hands. His eyes are wide and intense as they stare deep into Larry's soul, as they search for the part of Larry that's still capable of rational thought. "Listen to me, right now, okay? I need you to listen."

Larry shakes his head, crying harder and his breath is hitching so hard, he's dizzy with it but Laurent's hands are warm against his tear-slick cheeks and his presence floods through Larry like a tidal wave of familiarity.

Laurent brings their foreheads together and feels Larry shudder against him.

He grabs Larry's right hand and brings it up to place it over his heart. "You feel that?" he breaths and Laurent sucks in a shuddering breath, curls his lips into his mouth and nods. He feels the steadiness of the rhythm he'd known before anything else in his life and he allows for the steady thudding to ground him to the here and now. "I'm right here, okay? I don't plan on going anywhere, alright? Not until we're at least eighty and your hair's turned all white and I'll beat you in a wheelchair race in our retirement home, okay?"

Larry tries to smile through the tears, but it comes out like more of a grimace. 

He give a jerky nod and a sniffle and his heart is quivering with how scared he still is, how utterly terrified that for once in their lives, Laurent is promising something that he can't keep. But then Laurent places his hand over where Larry's is flattened over his heart and their fingers glide together effortlessly, like two puzzle pieces. "I'm not giving up. Now tell me you aren't, either."

Larry swallows hard and his throat is on fire, eyelashes clumpy with wetness as more tears well up in his eyes. His breath stutters and he curls his hand tight enough into Laurent's to bruise. 

"Never." 

"Okay, good," Laurent nods. "I didn't think so." 

Laurent cups the back of his head and presses a quick kiss to his temple and Larry closes his eyes with a sigh. 

He feels drained but also relieved somehow, like they've come to an understanding. 

Things are still serious, of course and Larry's still scared out of his mind but he knows that Laurent won't stop fighting for him and for as long as there's a single breath left in his lungs, Larry won't either. So this will have to be a team effort. But together, they'll make it. 

"We good?" Laurent asks and this time, when Larry offers up a wobbly smile, it's a hopeful one. 

"No. But we will be."

fin. 

A/N.: I have accidentally deleted this chapter and then it took me some time to gather enough motivation to rewrite it (so frustrating!!!!) Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the last update to the story. I have received a few requests about a redo with their roles reversed so we'll see about that. Maybe I'll just do a chapter or two, just to see where the characters take me. Until then, you can hit me with requests/prompts as alwas...Thanks for reading/sending love! <3