Need To Know

Chapter 11

The ride home was quiet. He held my hand, but we both stared in opposite directions. Once we arrived home, Anthony withdrew to his study, which led me to sneak upstairs, finding him already drinking a glass of brandy.

"Anthony, may I enter?" I asked as I peeked my head through the doorway. He waved me in. "Are you ok?"

"Yes," he hissed as he sucked his teeth. He sighed running his hands down his face. "I'm sorry. It is not your fault that I'm agitated. It is Lady Featherington and her lack of good sense!"

"True, but that is how she always is, is she not?" I informed him. I walked over to him in his chair. I began combing through his hair with my fingers. "What you said about me... it was kind of you."

"Well, it is true. I will hear of no such talk of my future wife," he took my hand in his, playing with my knuckles. "I know there's something on your mind, Amelia. Please, tell me."

"I'm not sure now is the best time."

"I knew there was something! Amelia?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Loneliness. That's my greatest fear. But not of having no one in my life, rather of having someone who only uses me," I confessed.

He stopped rubbing my hand to look up at me. "You think I'm using you?"

"Anthony, I know you care for me, but-"

"But what, Amelia?" he became more hostile.

"But I fear you are using me as a way out. You need to be married just as I do. You could've had me be with either of your brothers or someone else of a good reputation and I would've complied, but you wanted me. I fear that you are using me as a way to escape because you need someone to confide in emotionally, and now I have no choice in the matter because of you I'm damage goods." Tears fell from my face to the ornate carpet. "I try seeing your kind gestures and love advances as just that, but I fear that you were using them to entrap me," I sniffled.

"I cannot believe you feel this way! After what I've done for you. I could not, I would not, ever entice you without meaning. Amelia, I," he shook his head, "please just go. I have a lot of my mind," he made a swatting motion with his hand.

"So do I," I announced. I ran into my room, slamming the door shut behind me. I flew face first onto my bed, sobbing.

"What was that? Trouble in paradise, brother?" Benedict pestered, entering the study.

"I do not have the patience to hear this right now Benedict," Anthony warned, shooting daggers at his brother.

"Do you need to talk?" Benedict asked rather sympathetically. Anthony stared at his brother and poured himself another drink. "Fine, then I'll be leaving."

"She thinks I'm using her," he revealed. Benedict turned back around. "She thinks I'm planning on using her as a wife and nothing more. That I've somehow tricked her into this plan."

"Well have you?"

"No! I did not trick, or seduce, or deceive her in any way! Brother, I am at my wits end because of her. I laugh with her, remember the flowers she loves, help her, love her, take care of her, all for her to think that I'm playing her for a fool," he finally inhaled.

Benedict was grinning his boyish grin from ear to ear,"Have you told her you love her yet?"Anthony slumped back into his chair, looking into his glass. His face turned vermillion. "I can't believe you haven't told her! Anthony, that's all she wants to know. A hundred men could buy her flowers, but the one to express why they did will have more meaning in her heart. Why haven't you?"

"I don't even know if she loves me too. I'm nervous that I'll regret telling her. There are a few instances in life when you feel horrible and unrequited love is at the top of the list," he croaked.

"Well maybe she's scared of the same thing, Anthony! Maybe she's scared, wondering if this marriage will ruin the friendship you two share," Benedict counseled.

"Since when did you become a voice of reason, brother?" Anthony mentioned. Benedict smiled back and left the room. Anthony walked over to Amelia's room, knocking on the door, "Amelia, could I come in?"

"Not right now, Anthony. I wish to be alone."

"I thought you didn't want that," he countered.

"Well then you'll know how serious I am about being by myself right now. Thank you." He walked away, leaving her to herself. Anthony went downstairs to his family and slouched in an armchair.

"Are you alright, brother? Where's Amelia?" Colin inquired.

"She is upstairs not feeling well. I'm sure she'll be down for dinner later." However, dinner came and went and she did not even open her door. Hours passed and the family said good night to each other. Anthony slipped a note under her door.

To Amelia,

I wish to talk with you. I'm sorry for making you believe I was only using you. I will be staying nights at my apartment while we're engaged. I feel it is for everyone's best interest. I hope to see you tomorrow.

- Anthony

Tomorrow came and went just as the days to follow. She did not leave her room unless she had to, which was when she needed another book or snuck some food into her room.

The rest of the Bridgerton family grew more concerned every day. They all watched as Anthony became more impatient and short with everyone around him. After a week, he stopped hoping for her to show and finish planning parts of the wedding from his place. It was during that time that she had to go for a fitting for her wedding dress.

Violet and Daphne had convinced her through the door to come out with just them. They both were hopeful that maybe they could understand what happened between her and Anthony, as he would not ever say. Daphne went upstairs to get Amelia and when she opened the door, Amelia was a mess.

"Oh my! Amelia, have you brushed your hair at all since you've been in there?" Daphne grabbed a brush  and started working through the knots. She helped Amelia prepare herself to leave.

Once they had all got to Madame Delacroix's shop, she began her work, measuring Amelia from head to toe. Daphne watched as Amelia stood stoically. "Amelia, might I see you for a minute? I was wondering your opinion on this fabric?" Amelia followed Daphne aside. "Please tell me what's wrong. We're all so worried for you. You've become reclusive suddenly."

"It's nothing, really," Amelia brushed her off.

"I know it is not. If you won't talk to me, at least talk to Anthony. I haven't seen him in such pain since father died. He has been miserable to plan with, and now he too hardly comes around. He misses you, Amelia. Please talk with him," she advised. I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"I've thought of it, but now it's been so long. I'm afraid of the awkwardness of the situation now," I disclosed.

"I understand, but won't it be more uncomfortable at the wedding or afterwards if you don't speak now," she argued. I shrugged my shoulders, defeated.

"If I did, where would be the best place to find him? You said he's not even coming to the house now," I asked.

"Either his apartment or the gentleman's club, but that is no place for a lady," she warned.

"Thank you, Daph."