Crash - (UNFINISHED)

Chapter 1

It was all in slow motion. It was blurry, and I couldn't see a thing, and I swerved into circles over and over again until the car finally stopped by a tree. It was totaled, and all I could see was the boy sitting next to me. His head was rested on the airbag, and although I couldn't see much, I saw blood running down his neck. I tried to move, but my leg was trapped under a part of my car and I couldn't move. I tried to hit him and wake him up, but he didn't move, and I could feel tears well up in my eyes. I looked around, screaming for help. I screamed until my throat gave out, and I couldn't scream no longer, and finally the ambulance showed up. The flashing red lights almost sent me into shock, so I closed my eyes slowly, to try to refrain from the headache. I couldn't believe this was happening. I heard whispering going on across the other side of the car where the boy was laying, and I tried to ignore it, but the minute I heard the word “dead” and the word “gone” in the same sentence, I struck my eyes open.

“No!” I croaked with my faded voice.

“Hold on hun, we're getting you out fast, just hold on and stay awake.” One of the people in a blue coat told me. They were holding a first aid kit in their hands.

“Jace, no! Wake up! I know you're okay!” I turned towards his seat, and tried to wake him up, but it was no hope, he was gone.

“Young lady, we're sorry to tell you this, but your friend has passed.” The same person in the blue coat told me.

I jerked awake from the terrible nightmare. Three months later, and it all kept replaying in my head. I couldn't believe he was gone. My best friend, my brother, he was gone, and I couldn't help to think that it was all my fault. I felt my tears running down my face again, and I looked down at my lap. I couldn't handle it. I quietly stepped out of my bed, and walked into Jace's room. I walked into his room and laid down on his bed. I pulled the comforter over me, and closed my eyes, trying to remember that he was still there. I slowly drifted back asleep while crying.

I woke up to my mom standing in the doorway of my brothers room, and I looked down at the comforter. He was so young, so small. His room was bordered with race cars and basketballs, and it was all an ocean blue. He was only 13 years old, and he shouldn't have been in that front seat.

I looked over at my mom who was standing in the doorway, quietly, not bothering to speak. She knew that I was still in pain, I hadn't been in school for 3 months, and I didn't plan on going back anytime soon. My mom slowly approached the bed, and I laid back down, putting my head in my brothers pillow which no longer smelled like him, but instead smelled like my hair. I missed his smell, his voice, his innocent personality.

My mom looked at me with sympathy, and wiped the hair out of my eyes, and a tear from my cheek, “Katelyn, it wasn't your fault.” she whispered.

“It was all my fault.” My own words echoed in my head. Fault, fault, fault.

My mom didn't speak until she finally caught the words, “It was the other drivers fault. He was drunk, you were a safe driver.”

“He wasn't supposed to be in that front seat. It was not safe, he could've been safe.” The picture of him in the car came back to me and I covered my face screaming out the name Jace. I had gone crazy without him, and I needed help, but it wasn't possible. There was no way I could be helped. I was too messed up to be helped. It just wasn't possible.

My cries were piercing. They were enough to make anyone know I was in pain, anyone to know that I was depressed. I had fallen into a depressed state and I couldn't pull myself out. There was no other way than therapy, but not even that was working.

“Katelyn, I've been thinking.” My mom whispered.

“A-about what?” I stuttered.

“Maybe we should bring you to a psychiatry ward.” She sighed at the thought.

“No! I can't leave this house, I can't leave Jace. He's everything I have, and the only thing I have left from him is this room. Please, don't make me leave. I need him, I need this room. Mom, I need to stay here, and live here forever. I can't move out. I killed him, I hurt him, it was all my fault. The least I could do is be here for him.”

“Katelyn, he's not here anymore, he's somewhere else.. Only God knows where, and we need to let go and I know that it's hard, but you need to move on.”

“Move on? Are you crazy? He's your son! How could you not be stuck in the moment, mother? Are you some kind of monster? You're a monster! A fucking monster! I can't believe you, you bipolar bitch, and I can't believe you would even think about forgetting him. You're such a monster.” I tried getting up, but my mom wouldn't let me pass.

She wasn't phased by the things I called her, I called her it almost every day, “You're going, and that's simple, Katelyn.”

She said that sternly, and walked out of the room. She shut the door, and I could hear her packing my bags in my room. I hid under the covers. I would've went and stopped her, but I just couldn't. I couldn't get up, because I knew she wasn't joking around this time, I was going. I needed to spend my last seconds in his bed, and I needed to spend my last seconds embracing the only thing I had of him left.

She walked back in the room with a duffel bag full of clothes, and set it on the ground, “You may pack one thing of his, and that's it.” She gave me the benefit of the doubt. I grabbed the comforter on his bed and threw it on top of the duffel bag.

I didn't even fight it anymore, and I got up and slumped over to my mom, where she picked me up and brought me to the car and buckled me in because she didn't trust I'd actually go to the hospital. I couldn't sit in the front seat anymore because of the pictures in my head, I had to sit in the back. When the car started moving, I started screaming. I was screaming, crying, I couldn't stop. I was hysterical.