Other Side Of The Bar

Sorry My Broken Rib Was So Inconvenient For You

"No, Merry, that hurts!" I moan, trying to get away.

"It'll be up in a minute, Lia!" Merry grunts as she struggles to get it up, making my eyes sting.

"Can we not just leave it where it is?" I plead, bracing myself against the wall, panting slightly.

"I.  Can.  Do.  It." Merry says through gritted teeth, tugging up harder.

"JESUS!" I shriek, my eyes welling.  Merry gives it one hard tug and relief floods me as it's finally gliding up, tickling me slightly.

"There, see, that wasn't so bad!" Merry exclaims brightly as she turns me around.  God only knows what I look like after that ordeal.  "God," Merry mutters, suddenly looking as exhausted as I feel.  "Who knew getting a dress on you could be so difficult Lia?  I thought the bloody zip was going to break!"

I scowl.  "Sorry my broken rib, was so inconvenient for you Merry." I reply, rubbing the large strip of fabric I have tightly around my ribcage to stop myself doing any more damage to my ribs.  Stupid ice cream lorry...stupid co-op wanting ice cream...stupid Conrad not learning to drive properly...stupid...damn, I'm out of stupids...stupid brain running out of stupids..HA!  I'm a genius!!

"Lia, are you having a conversation with yourself again?" Merry's lip twitches and I stare at her, my eyes wide with surprise.

How did she know?!

Shut it, you'll give us away!

Us?!  What US?!  We're both Lia!!

...Good point...ball's in your court Lia!

I shake my head slightly, clearing it of my insanity.  One of these days I'm going to have a serious talking to those two - they're going to get me committed!  Then they'd be my only conversation, and I really would go crazy!  No sponge room can save me from myself...and my crazy brain!

We aren't crazy!  They chime and I look at Merry.

"Of course I'm not having a conversation with myself Merry!" I tell her sincerely.  "I'm not a crazy person!" I scoff, making her raise an eyebrow.

"Would this be a good time to remind you I know you Lia?" Merry says dryly, her lips twitching into a smirk.  Rats, why does she have to know me so well?!  It's ruining my plan to not seem crazy!  I try to force the thoughts from my head, knowing they aren't helping my "not crazy" case.  After all, if I can't convince myself I'm not a nutter, how the hell can I convince everyone else?!

"...Hush, Merry." I reply, grinning at her.

"Yes Miss Lia." She winks and I laugh with her, sitting on my bed now I'm successfully in my dress.

"I swear Merry, the sooner this rib's fixed the better - if I ever have to have someone dress me again, I'll just shoot myself in the head with a huge stapler!" I exclaim, lying gingerly on my bed.  I have no idea how I'm going to handle a Miranda gala when it hurts to just lie here...

"Well, good luck finding a giant stapler Lia." Merry chuckles and I roll my eyes at her.

"Not a giant one Merry - I'm not stupid.  Just a huge one." I correct her, making her laugh.

"Oh Lia, you're a funny wee thing." Merry giggles as she wipes under her eye carefully with her index finger, catching her tears of laughter.

"Yes, yes I am." I agree, laughing.  I sit up - with a lot of puffing and panting to make Merry feel guilty for almost killing me with a dress - and look at Merry.  "Umm...thank you...for...y'know...fighting my broken bones into the dress..." Oh my, this never gets less awkward.