Is this what you call love?

1-R

"Ryujin, come on!" My friend Chan whines, "You never come out with us. Have some fun."

I close my eyes, remembering an old friend of mine say something similar before they died. My heart starts beating fast and I feel myself feeling anxious. The palm of my hands becomes sweaty. I take small deep breaths then open my eyes again.

"Chan, last time you and you Felix went out you two got in trouble and had to do the obstacle course five times. You puked until you passed out from exhaustion" I say.

"Are you okay?" Felix ask.

My friends knows what's going on with me and they've honestly been so amazing to make sure I know that they're there for me.

They go to the same psychiatrist as me but we met during bootcamp. They also suffer from PTSD. Chan was captured and tortured but he was able to escape. Felix suffered from sexual assault and harassment while in service.

"Yeah, just had flashback from what Chan said" I answer.

He flicks Chan right on the forehead, "Look what you did, lugnut."

"Ow" Chan rubs his forehead, "Did you really have to call me lugnut? You're the worst at insulting people."

"Because I'm a lover, not a fighter. This beauty is all about poise. You wouldn't understand for being such a lugnut" Felix sassily rolls his eyes.

I smile while watching them banter with each other. It reminds me of the people that I lost. Maybe that's why I like hanging out with Chan and Felix. They also understand me since they've gone through something too.

"But are you coming with us though?" Chan hooks his arm on my shoulder.

"You know I don't like going out" I say.

"But you're going with the one and only Chan. Ladies would beg to hang out with me and here I am offering the opportunity to you" he tries to be convincing.

"As I recall, most of those ladies were drunk so they probably couldn't see straight" I tease him.

"Felix, help me out here" Chan releases me then leans his back on the back of the couch.

The three of us share an apartment. My parents weren't keen of the idea of their daughter living with two guys but they've grown to trust them and love them. Whenever I visit home, the two guys actually comes with me.

Their families doesn't live in the country so they enjoy going to my family home too.

"We shouldn't force her if she doesn't want to though" Felix is usually our voice of reason.

"But Ryujin, were also worried about you. Ever since we started living together, you don't hang out with anyone aside from us. I know you're probably afraid to get attached to more people with the fear of losing them but one day you have to start seeing someone, you know?" He pauses.

"I'm sure Chan will find someone who will be crazy enough to marry him and I have so many options that I'm not worried that I'm single right now. Were not saying that we will leave you or forget you but we're afraid that you'll be alone."

"Felix!" Chan shouts then turns to me, "That's not what's going on here. You're not gonna be alone. Even if we start dating someone, we will still be here for you."

"Its okay. I understand. I have no intentions of dating though" I say.

"He does bring up a good point. At some point, we're gonna end up focusing on our own lives to the point that we might not see each other as often. I'm aware of that" I add.

"So that's why you should hang out with us because you never know because this could end by tomorrow" Felix chimes in.

Chan smiles, "So what do you say?" He says to me.