They Don't Know About Us

Dirty Little Secret?

"What is it, Li?" I asked with an amused expression. He smiled, shaking his head at how perceptive I was starting to become these days when it came to him.

"I am thinking about us..." he trailed off

"And?" I urged him with a smile, encouraging him to go on.

"What are we doing Zayn? We promised to take things slow - which we have done. But the way we move around each other - we might as well be an old married couple. It sometimes makes me wonder what exactly we are!" he asked, his voice fading away towards the end. Judging by the way words were flowing out, I could tell that this was a well-practised statement - a conversation he had probably revised a hundred times in his head.

"I didn't know we were slapping labels on this Li! I am just going with the flow..." I replied, a small frown and a smile playing on my face as I continued. "But I guess if you really want to talk about where we stand, I would say you are my boyfriend... Right?" I was unsure of the answer that he expected from me. His answering smile dazzled my eyes.

"So you're my boyfriend? Like, you're mine?" he smiled broadly and I nodded with a smile again.

"I have a boyfriend!" he shouted out, punching his hand into the air. I laughed at his sudden childishness. "And more importantly I have Zayn Malik as my boyfriend!" he continued and this time our door opened and in came Louis and Harry, looking confused beyond measure.

"What the hell is going on?" Louis grumbled. Either they had been sleeping or had been in the middle of much more important activities - we couldn't exactly tell because they were in their boxers and they both had bed hair which was common for either of the above-mentioned activities.

"Zayn asked me to be his boyfriend." Liam laughed, bringing a smile to both their faces. Harry stumbled over to hug us while Louis grumbled out a brief 'congratulations'.

To say that our break from work ended on a happy note would be an understatement. We restarted the tour from Rose Bowl. The stadium was at full capacity. We started the concert with a bang with the crowd favourite 'Midnight Memories'. Towards the middle of the concert, when we were to sing 'Girl Almighty', Khai had been planned to be brought on stage. I - considering my daughter's identity had already been compromised - was going to be bringing her onstage just before the song started and have a very short audience session with her.

Khai toddled onto the stage while I walked behind her, enjoying her cuteness. She made a beeline for Louis who had become her favourite the past few days. He pretended to slowly jog away only for her to quicken her steps. Just as she was about to trip and fall, Louis scooped her into his arms and she squealed with laughter. Liam and I were watching this with a smile of adoration. Once we started singing to her, she was gurgling with giggles and laughter and ran to us asking to be picked up - who were we to refuse her?

Towards the end of the song, she was in Liam's arms. I went to get her so she can be dropped off with Louise backstage. She refused to come to me, so we both walked with her to Louise. Once she was dropped off, we came back to the stage where Niall and Louis were entertaining. As we were making our way back to the boys, Liam casually put his hand on my waist, pulling me to him his head nuzzling into my shoulder with a smile. Alarmed by his sudden display of love onstage, I twisted my way out of the hug quickly and walked over to Harry with large strides. Once I reached him, I turned back to see Liam standing exactly where I had left him frozen with shock at my actions. While a part of me felt guilty for walking away that quickly, he should have warned me. He knew I was still nervous about PDA outside of our group. Shaking himself out of it, he walked to Louis but I could see the stern set on his face. He was irritated, to say the least - but how could you blame me? He should have at least given me a warning beforehand!

After the concert, we went back to my house and Liam went into our room and before I could walk in slammed the door on my face - quite literally, considering my face was inches away from the door. Louis and Niall looked at me bewildered at this, while Harry was not surprised at all. He must have seen the interaction onstage.

I tried the door which - to no one's surprise - was locked. I rolled my eyes and went to the panel in one of the cupboards in the living room and got the spare key and opened the bedroom door to see one of the most disheartening scenes ever. Liam was sitting in the middle of the bed, staring at the walls, but tears were streaming down his face. It was as if he was in a trance. His shoulders were shaking with his silent sobs. I walked to him getting close enough to hold him. The moment I placed my hand on him though, he glared at me and pulled himself away from me.

"Liam... listen..." I started when there was a sound of a slap echoing around the bedroom. Harry and Niall who were at the entrance of the bedroom to ensure nothing got out of hand flinched as Liam slapped me across my face. Louis had taken both the kids who were asleep to their room to put them down in their own bed while towing along a half-asleep Freddie. So he missed this action. I spluttered in shock my eyes widening as my hand clutched my face. Liam never - NEVER - raised his hand on anyone!

"You're pathetic and you have not changed at all!" he hissed at me. I looked up to see him glaring at me in fury. He looked like he could murder someone with his level of anger. "I will forever be your dirty little secret and you don't even want to change that. You will call me your boyfriend only within the four walls of your house and nowhere else. If you feel that the idea of a perfect family would be spoiled with me in it, why did you want me back? To fuck me behind closed doors and for me to shut up when you act like there is nothing going on when we are outside? Guess what - I quit! It is either all or nothing! I am tired of trying to hide. 1 week - that is the time I am giving you. Whether you like it or not, I am coming out to the world by then. Whether you want to come out as my boyfriend then or not is up to you. Fair warning - if you want to continue staying in the closet... well enjoy the darkness of it alone."

So saying he started to walk away when I held his hand in an attempt to stop him. When he tried pulling away, I tried tackling him, ultimately leading to the both of us falling on the bed with him under me. I took this vantage position to my advantage and held him under me.

"Listen here! You are already out to your parents and family and I am not. They will NOT be pleased to find out about my sexuality from the news on the internet. That is why I had to do what I did! I am going to explain to them about everything but you need to understand how I felt. I am not used to public displays of affection from you when we are out in the public. So do NOT act like this is something normal and I overreacted! Get it?" I snarled back at him.

"Well, we have been together for months now! Why is it that your family still does not know about anything? Huh? What the fuck is stopping you?!" Liam shouted back at me. "Is it because you are ash-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU FOOL! IF you call yourself my dirty little secret ONE MORE TIME I will smack you across your head until your brain begins to function normally again! I am not ashamed of you. You are my home! You are my salvation! You are my everything! FOR FUCKS SAKE! I LOVE YOU, YOU WANKER! I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" I was shaking with tears now. I lost all resolve and slumped forward only to fall right on Liam. He caught me, but his mind was still processing my words. To make sure nothing further happened, Harry walked to us and carried me - with surprising ease, might I add - and took me to his room. With one pointed look, he got Louis - who had smartly stayed away from this to avoid taking sides - out of the room and soon enough, I heard the door shut softly.

Two lanky arms wrapped me in a tight hug.

"Sshhh... Calm down, Zee. Please calm down. Don't do this. Please relax. Everything is going to be okay, love. Please just breathe in slowly and relax." Harry soothed me.

"I love him Hazz. He is my everything. He is my life. He is my home..." I sniffled. "I know my situation is pretty messed up right now, but I am scared too! We have two kids now. I need to make sure my actions do not affect them. I love all three of them - Liam and the kids. They are my family." I sobbed silently after that, crying myself to sleep. This had been recurring too much the past few months.