Does he know? | ✓

xiii

Loud gasps were heard from the three with mirroring wide eyes and slightly agape mouths after Felix has told them his meeting with Nigel just half an hour ago.

"That was so bad, Lixie!" Said Seungmin who recovered quickly from the shock.

"He was so fucking dumb to think he had a chance with Hyunjin-hyung. I mean, he's actually ready to sink that low just to get close to him? That was so messed up!" Exclaimed Jeongin who has his teeth gritted.

"I thought so, too!" Joined Jisung. "You should've let me punch that bitch in the face just one time."

Seeing his friend's reactions lifted something inside Felix's chest. It somehow justifies the anger that bubbled under his skin he felt at that time in the café.

He sighed, blowing his bangs away from his eyes. "I know."

"But, why haven't Hyunjin-hyung told you about it, Lixie-hyung?" Wondered Jeongin, accidentally making the atmosphere a bit heavy.

The very question he was trying to shield himself from was mindlessly being thrown in the air, and he couldn't help but embrace the harsh impact.

He's heart cruelly clenching inside his chest, it's almost hard to breath.

"He may have his own reasons, Innie. You know how analytical Hyunjin's mind can be when it comes to tough situations, and may I add, especially when it involves Felix. He may have reached conclusions and possible repercussions of saying this to Lixie." Answered Jisung, clearly bothered but not wanting to add to the already stressful situation. "We shouldn't rush on conclusions. This is a talk they need to resolve themselves."

There was a stretch of silence after that. No one really knows what to say after Jeongin seemed to realize what he has just done.

"Anyway," Seungmin cleared his throat, effectively getting the three's attention. "I know you don't wanna hear this, but I think he was right about one thing though." Added Seungmin, carefully scanning Felix's face and his reaction. His voice calculating. "I noticed it the first time I saw you two together as well."

Jeongin and Jisung nodded, agreeing to their friend's statement. All of them having an understanding to drop the previous topic wordlessly.

He willed himself to try and keep his cool, chasing the negative thoughts away.

Surely his best friend hadn't meant harm. His best friend definitely have a reason. He knows Hyunjin does.

With his newly found resolve, the grip on Felix's heart slowly loosen. His mind being a bit at east.

Ultimately, it's a worry he needs to face soon.

"We tried to talk to him about that many times before as well, but he always find a way to escape from it and we just don't push it." Jisung stared at him with serious eyes, "but I think it's about time that you tell us about this inner turmoil that you oh-so try so hard to run away from."

Felix gulped. He knew this day would come. In fact, he knew better than to leave some details unsaid from his meeting with his ex. He just chose not to.

He had been trying to push those resurfacing thoughts away. To push away those feelings he doesn't want to get acquainted with for it was too serious and it was too much for him, but maybe he needed someone to knock some sense to a plant like him. Maybe he just needs someone to validate whatever it is that has been trying to bloom from within his veins since a long time ago.

"I try to avoid it because... I don't know what it is." He averted his eyes away from his friends' scrutinizing gaze. "It's been on the abandoned space in my heart, forsaken for a long time now, and I never bothered to shower it with light because... because I'm scared." He felt tears roll down his face as he finally admitted it for the first time since he decided to hide it. He finally admitted it to himself, and he doesn't really know whether to be scared or be relieved that he finally had the courage to give it a glimpse. "I don't wanna talk about it because I'm afraid whatever it is that I tried so hard to hide away from my bones, will have it's own flesh and name and try to fight a battle it can't win. I just don't wanna get hurt."

He choked out a sob, and it sounded to bad that his friends was already beside him caressing his back and wiping his tears in a blink.

"Can we just, please... please not this time. I'll open it up somehow some other time but please, I really can't now." He pleads.

His friends' eyes softened and soon enough, Jeongin is already crying with him while Jisung and Seungmin are already tearing up as well.

"I'm sorry for pushing you, Lix. We don't need to talk about it now." Jisung pushed his bangs behind his ears. "It's okay. Take your time, babe."

"Don't cry now, Lixie, the bloody idiots will be here soon." Said Seungmin, wiping tears from his freckled cheeks.

He cringed, thinking about the other guys seeing him like that.

"I know." Jisung nodded, as though he could read what's in his mind. "Go, shower."

"I'll get you your clothes, Hyung. You can just go now."

"Okay." He nodded, getting up from his feet but before he left, he smiled at his friends, the biggest smile he could. "Thank you so much for being my hoes." He teased. "I love you all!"

He ran upstairs before his friends' could even say anything then locked himself inside the bathroom.

Leaning on the sink, he tried to hide his faltering heart with a practiced smile he had mastered to hide his pain away.

He breathed out, trying to keep his thoughts from spiralling.

Not now.