[C] favour of time was not ours | jeongguk

bereave

"For those who weep in silence, as the grief painted their life with the hollowness of the ever permanents hole. I pray for you to find something, anything to lighten the pain for that it became easier to live and move forward."

"And to those whose soul screamed for every single breath they take. I pray that your soul would be in ease and heal. With every step you take, you would smile and laugh and that one day it would be genuine. With all my heart, I wanted you to enjoy every moment and live."

"Because all of us breath. But not so much living."

Jeongguk spoke the words silently yet clearly into the darkness of the living room, engraving every single words he had spoken into his own soul. The text was heavy, as heavy as his heart. And who would he kid for the words have struck into his heart chord.

Jeongguk took the coffee, savoring its strong taste. It was 3 in the morning, here he was drinking his iced coffee when he should be sleeping. But its alright, he convinced himself. He's free of schedule for tomorrow. Or today? He was not sure.

He was also not sure as to why he sat in the middle of living room in total darkness except from the light that came from the little lamp used to read the book. It's the witch hour, perhaps? But he was no witch. Wizard maybe, but he was no wizard either.

He simply enjoyed the silence of night, which was not a complete silence with the car honks and the snores. But it was quiet and he savoured that a lot. It was nice while it last. He was joking himself honestly. It seemed quiet, but the quietness was so loud as well.

The quietness was so loud that his ears ringed. He felt like he was floating, kinda, like he was not here, like he was not real.

But he was real, unfortunately.

He looked at the book again, at the words written on top of old yellowish paper. He tried to focus back into the real world.

---

"And for those whose lose a part of themselves, even if it was small or large, old or young, beautiful or dark. It was a part of you, and for you to part with them must bring you great emptiness inside, like you're not whole. Not now. Never. Not anymore. And this pain, the pain you're in, would forever stay with you. It descended upon your heart and settled in, taking the place of that you have lose. And there's nothing I could do than pray that you would feel whole again."

"I pray that whoever had found their hand in this old book and read and understand, would find their happiness, and feel loved as every single person in the big world deserve to feel happy. And I pray for their pain to pass and sculpture them strong to face the mean future. I pray for them to heal as emotional pain was just as harsh as physical pain. For villain is never born but made."

"For villain is never born but made." Jeongguk repeated the sentence as he nodded his head, to signify that he agreed with the statement.

"Society push and push. We either strive, killed ourselves or make our pain into others."

"Sickening."

But it is what it is, Jeongguk thought.

Which make it more sickening.

"Society is full of flaws, Human are full of flaws. Then why can't we accept it? We act like perfection is important, like it is a crime to not be perfect when we all know people can never be perfect. It is so fucked up." Jeongguk said loudly to no one.

He then promptly sighed. "What the hell am I doing? Talking to myself in the middle of God knows when."

Jeongguk looked up and stared at the ceiling. He sat there quietly and just stared into the ceiling, perhaps hoping it would give him some sort of answers or thoughts or any statements.