Break Even

TWELVE: KENNEDY

The door slowly opens, and Liv appears. She wasn't here when I got home this morning, and I was worried. After she showed up at Spencer's at four am, I officially had more questions than answers.

"Hi." She places her bag down but doesn't look at me.

"Hi. I was worried when I came home, and you weren't here." She still won't look at me.

I'm not sure what's going on, but Olivia is in a terrible mood. She looks like somebody who's just received the worst news of their life, right now. I planned on asking her about what Spencer told me, but it seems like right now, she probably just needs her friend.

"I stayed at Bryce's." She basically whispers.

Bryce. Is he why she's in an awful mood.

"Did he hurt you? I'll kill him. Talk to me, Liv." I jump up from my bed and walk toward her.

"What? No! Bryce was fine— great even. It's just been a long day... already."

"Did you find Jordan?"

She finally turns to look at me, and her shoulders drop. She's completely dejected like she's giving up. I just don't know what she's giving up on.

"I was never looking for Jordan, Ken. I lied. I showed up at their place last night to confront Spencer." There are tears in her eyes, she's trying to fight them, but this isn't a fight she will win.

"He told me, Liv— about the kiss. He should've never asked you to keep it from me. Especially considering you didn't even remember it. He's going to apologize to you. I'll make sure of it."

Something that I say causes her to break, and the tears flood her face. I throw my arms around her, and she holds on for dear life.

"Liv, it's okay. I know everything now. It's okay." She's making me want to cry. This has obviously been eating away at her, and I hate that she's feeling so guilty.

"I don't deserve you, Kenny. I really don't." She sniffles, and I can hardly understand what she's saying through her sobs.

"Yes. You. Do. You kissed a boy at a party. It's college! That's what is supposed to happen. Months later, that boy happened to become my boyfriend. It's a little messy, but you didn't do anything wrong. You're perfect, Liv. I know why you're beating yourself up. This isn't like with your ex and your old best friend. It's okay, Liv. Please stop crying. I can't handle you being sad like this. Plus, I need the details on Bryce, and I'd prefer to get them without a string of snot running from your nose." She laughs. It's a tiny laugh at first, and then she giggles uncontrollably.

"I guess I do look like a train wreck, huh?" More snot pours from her nose, and I'm genuinely afraid to look down at my shirt.

"Not a train wreck, per se." I wipe the tears from her face. "Sooooo, stayed the night?" I pry.

"I can't even lie, that was my intention when I went back to his place, but when we got there, I couldn't go through with it. So we just talked all night, watched movies, and played games! Then, this morning he made us breakfast. It was nice. Really nice!" She's smiling, a lot! That's good, for both of them.

"Are you and Spencer going to be okay? I know it was a shitty thing to do— hiding the truth. He just didn't want to hurt you." She looks like she's ready to break again, and we can't have that.

"We're fine. We had a long talk, and I think everything will be okay. I just–" I stop because I've been too afraid to take a deep dive into my feelings.

"What is it?"

"I'm scared, Liv. He defines my entire mood. I know it may not seem like it, but if things feel off even a little, I start panicking and wondering if I'm losing him before I've truly ever had him, you know?"