Friends Down Low (ONC2022)

Chapter 7 - The Funeral

"Who cares anymore. Let's go."

With McGavin's taxi gone, he came with us and we headed back to Simon's house.

Clancy waited on the porch and he growled McGavin's name as we got out of the car. McGavin perked up. "Is that the throaty bellowing of Clancy Kruger?"

"Yup. The gangs all here," I replied.

"You hairy son of a..." McGavin paused, leaned over to me, and whispered, "Is he still really hairy?"

"Yeah."

"Great. Thanks." He raised his voice back to Clancy. "Hey, you hairy son of a bitch. How the hell are you?"

We entered the house and I started to relay to Clancy about how Simon was buried early, and we missed it. I proceeded to complain about it but he stopped me cold when he said, "While you guys were gone, some workers from the funeral home showed up with Simon's coffin and I helped them carry it into the basement."

I took more steps in my intended direction before it dawned on me what he had just said. "What?"

"Basement," he pointed sternly.

Followed by Sil I immediately descended the stairs to find Uncle Simon's old-fashioned coffin on the floor by the bricked-over dimensional door. Still securely sealed, it was also clean as a whistle, not a trace of dirt on it. It had never been buried.

"Any idea?" I asked Sil.

"Nope. I was not expecting this."

I dialed Amelia and then started babbling when she answered because I expected her to let voicemail field my call. She finally shushed me by saying, "I assume you're calling about the coffin?"

"How'd you guess?"

"I'm sorry. I would have given you a heads up but I was afraid you'd freak out."

"What's it doing here? Why isn't it in the ground?" I paused with an eerie thought. "Is Uncle Simon still in it?"

"Of course," she answered as casually as if I asked if the sky was blue. "The coffin is locked tight. It won't be opened again until the official, official funeral."

"When is that?"

"As per Mr. Tuttle's instructions, his body was to be returned to his residence to lie in state for three full days."

"Three days? He'll be here in the basement for three days? I'm no lawyer but aren't there laws saying you can't just leave bodies lying around? How is this legal? Couldn't this be considered desecration of a corpse?"

"Not unless you've actually desecrated it" She paused, and I heard a sharp intake of breath. "Have you desecrated it?"

"Of course not! It...Uncle Simon...the coffin...ok, the damn thing is still locked up tight. I haven't messed with it."

"That's good." She sighed. "I'm sorry Finnigan. I am. This is all really strange but I'm legally bound. Just try to ignore it. Good luck to you." She hung up.

I relayed the conversation to the trio. They nodded along, digesting this new bizarre twist far more calmly than I did.

"Makes sense," McGavin said and Nil agreed.

I looked from face to face. "How does this make sense?"

"The Saint's followers would have likely dug up his body in short order. To confirm he was dead, or to raise him from the dead to fight alongside them."

"Raise from the dead, eh? Of course. I should have assumed." I laid the sarcasm on pretty thick.

"The Saint possesses many skills. Being a powerful necromancer is among them."

McGavin chimed in. "A necromancer can raise the dead."

I flailed my arms. "I know what a necromancer is! I've seen movies!" I stomped up the stairs to the living room and snatched up my suitcase.

"What are you doing?" Sil asked.

"I'm leaving. I've had it. This is beyond me. And it's not that I don't believe it. I believe it all now." I pointed at Sil. "I've seen your true form." I pointed at Clancy. "You gave me the hairy finger." I pointed at McGavin. "I still haven't figured out the blind guy with a gun angle yet but I'm sure it's off the rails crazy like everything else."

"Pretty much," McGavin agreed.

"And the Saint is real and she has a cult and she can raise the dead. I'm no apprentice. My uncle did shit for me. I'm of no use to any of you in this fight." I threw open the porch door with a bang and stalked to my car.

McGavin stick-tapped after me. "I'll go with you."

"No. I'm leaving. I'm not coming back, and you can't make me."

He opened the passenger door. "You don't need to bring me back. I'm betting that the Saint has put into place measures to keep you from leaving town. So, here's my deal. If you can make it to the highway you can drop me off at the exit and I'll call a taxi. But if something bars your path, I get to loudly say I told you so and then we go into town for pecan pie. Deal?"

"Fine."

"Let's ride."

Chapter Words - 1369

Total Word Count - 13,152